Ashes and Hope

It doesn't really feel like Ash Wednesday. Here in NOVA it's a balmy 60 degrees and the sun is shining. Despite the high Catholic population of my office, I'm the only one sporting a forehead smudge since everyone is planning on evening Mass. Finally, there are some exciting new developments in my personal life, which I shall elaborate on a less solemn occasion.

On the other hand, today feels awfully penitential. I'm tired, hungry, and bothered with all sorts of temptations to be anxious, bitter, discouraged, and worried. Can I call it "spiritual warfare"? Because that's what it feels like. The past 24 hours have been a battle. God has blessed me, but "the world, the flesh, and the devil" are trying to take away my joy. There's a reason "Counsel the doubtful" is a spiritual work of mercy; that nasty stuff doesn't go away easily.

Learning to really trust God through this uncertainty is one of my goals this Lent. I'm sure He and I will have some very forthright talks on my silent Ignatian retreat in two weekends. (I'm both excited and terrified. Anybody have advice about preparing for one of these things?) I'm also going to work on some spiritual reading I've been meaning to do.

Other than that, here's the formal "What am I doing for Lent" list

• No sweets or secular TV (a family tradition.) This means it's time to review a bunch more Jesus movies. 
• Attending daily Mass once a week
• Praying the Rosary every day during my commute
• Sending out at least one job application a week - if I want God to help my future, I better do something about it. 

What are you giving up this year? How do you build trust in God?

2011: A Surprising Year in Three Acts

Last year's New Year's fireworks over Jackson Square in New Orleans 

If 2010 was the year of incessant travel for me, 2011 was a bit more unpredictable. I told God my plans, and He laughed. Then He laughed again and told me I needed to re-calibrate some things. In many ways the past few months have been like the infamous Year I Was Sick and had to drop out of college. On the other hand, I feel more "adult" than ever before. And not just because everyone and their brother (including my own dear Brother #1) got engaged. The year began with surprise trip to my BFF in Tampa, and things got more unexpected after that.

Act I: Grad School

In the first part of the year, I wrote my thesis on Episcopal vestment history and finished my master's degree in American material culture. I coped with the stress by reading a jillion cookbooks and buying dresses off eBay that required awkward alterations.

Grad school was either mind-numbingly lonely and boring, or totally exciting. When I wasn't burning the midnight oil with my computer on my lap, I was jaunting off to awesome field trips. My class poured molten pewter in Colonial Williamsburg, almost accidentally bid on furniture at Sotheby's, got a private tour of the White House and Senate floor, and took graduation photos next to a 1920s Rolls Royce. I'll always treasure the image of a professor sitting on the floor of the Met atrium, echoing off the ceiling as he literally exclaimed to a curator that she should hire me.

She didn't. Everyone in my class found jobs, except for me and a fellow far more brilliant than I. So I headed home to DC, but not as a downtown commuter like I had planned.

Act II: Unemployment

Moving back home was definitely a time warp. When I wasn't revisiting the haunts of my past in northern Virginia, I found semi-jobs in unexpected places. I was a babysitter/chauffer. I somehow got tangled up in homeschooling, despite my heathen public university cred.
Then just as The Beau was returning from England and I was about to join my VSC housemates for fun on the beach ... Surprise! My temperamental back blew up and I spent three weeks as an invalid. Just as I was recovering my family all took a last minute trip to visit our Chicago relatives because, hey, when else could we fit it in? The day after we got home, I interviewed for a part-time data entry job someone had offered my little brother because why the heck not.

Act III: The 9-5 World

To my astonishment, my interviewers did not laugh in my over-qualified face. Instead, they offered me a full time job. Starting in 48 hours. Ok sure! I can learn accounting; I have nothing else to do.

So I entered the "real" i.e. "not museums" world, where they hire people at warp speed and actually understand modern technology. To my surprise, life as an office drone is engaging, not soul-sucking. I don't yet feel like I am wasting my time and education. Co-workers have turned out to be some true friends. I'm relatively happy as a corporate employee- maybe advanced degrees in the liberal arts are indeed useless and overrated luxury items.

Who knows if I will feel the same way this time next year. At the rate Divine Providence is panning out, a few more unexpected twists wouldn't surprise me.

2010:The Year of Travel

8 airports, 16 states, and one foreign country make the grand total. I've been to London, Pittsburgh, Boston, Tampa, Alexandria, Washington DC, New Orleans, St. Louis, Charleston, Hartford, Newport, New York, Philadelphia, and Williamsburg. I've spent hours in planes, trains, and cars. I've logged thousands of miles. I hadn't realized grad school would turn me into such a globe trotter.

So it is most fitting that I spent the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 as a nomad, bouncing from one location to another. Part of it was planned - a fantastic 5 days with The Beau and his family that culminated in watching New Year's Eve fireworks from the bell tower of the New Orleans cathedral. Then things got unexpected as I discovered how incompetent AirTran airlines can be. A canceled connecting flight from Atlanta meant that I did not make it home in time for the annual New Year's day ham supper. Instead, I got rerouted to Tampa, and am now on my way from there to Baltimore, from where I will take a shuttle of some sort. At this point, I would not be surprised if there were a stagecoach involved.

BUT as a surprise burst of Divine Providence, my Tamp layover meant I got to spend the day with my dear friends K&J and their three kiddos. We kept joking that I was playing Mary Poppins - I flew into town in the dead of night, and when the kids awoke I was there ready to play. I ended up helping keep track of everyone at a birthday party. I even assembled a kite - no joke. I almost expected to find Dick van Dyke dancing with some penguins. Then the winds changed and I was off in the air again.

The school-funded trips will end, but 2011 will see the nomading continue as I graduate (yikes!) and figure out where I will have a job. I hope the road continues to stumble on such fun surprises.