"Being a Virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn." - Shirley to Annie in Season 1 of Community
This week the Bright Maidens blogging group is reviewing TLC's new series "The Virgin Diaries." I have only two positive things to say about the show.
First, the historian in me is pleased TLC has documented so many subculture groups, religious and not, for posterity. In a century or so, someone will give a conference paper about how agnostic post-modernity liked to gawk at Mormon polygamists, Muslims in Michigan, homeschooling Arkansas residents with 20 kids, and those rare 5-10% of American adults who have never had sex. Did these Millenial viewers lump such fringe groups in with little people, toddler beauty queens, and wedding dress consultants?
Second, watching the trailers for this show made me very grateful for Theology of the Body. Normally I resist the Catholic cliches chastity explanations that are basically OMGJP2TOB!!1!11! But when I got nauseous seeing that newlywed couple awkwardly chewing each other's faces off, I couldn't help but think they needed to read some Love and Responsibility.
Our lips, our hands, our bodies, and our sexuality are part of our God-given human dignity. They are not dangerous, uncontrollable temptations to keep at a ten-foot distance so we can brag about how careful our courtships are. Marriage is more than just a license for intercourse, just as chastity is more than keeping one's legs crossed until vows permit unbridled release of all that pent-up tension.
So yeah, I was a little annoyed at TLC's editing that found drama in every facial expression and double entendres in playground equipment. But mostly I was angry at the yahoos who decided to broadcast their most personal lives on television, making a mockery of something that is precious, and sadly, rare.
I'm 26, and I am part of that virgin 5-10%. You might not realize when we unicorns (or mermaids) walk among you, because most us don't act like maladjusted circus freaks. Neither do we walk around wagging disapproving fingers at our peers who haven't made the same life choice. We have social lives, creative interests, and affectionate dating relationships. The only thing that makes us different is our commitment to a difficult spiritual and physical goal that challenges who we are at our very core.
Chastity is something I have to choose every day. I don't choose it because I am afraid of sex, or of getting pregnant or an STD. I don't choose it just because it's honorable, or how my parents raised me, or because I've been told it's a sin. I don't choose it just so my wedding night (a few brief hours of my life) will be special. As Bing Crosby says in White Christmas, "That's not good, but it's a reason."
Ultimately, I have to make this choice for myself, because I believe it will make me a happier, holier person in the long run. It has a to be a lived acknowledgement of the divine transformation I believe happens in the Sacrament of Marriage. It has to be an integral part of my relationship with God, who loves me first and most.
As agnostic-turned-Jew-turned Episcopalian-turned-chastity enthusiast Lauren Winner described it,
"Remember that God desires your person, your body, more than any man or woman ever will."
