Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

Posts are going to be a little sporadic here as I deal with the aftermath of getting my master's and gradually move back to my parents' house. I'll be packing up my apartment, visiting friends, and maybe even reading history books for fun.

It's funny how graduating will get certain songs stuck in my head, No, I'm not talking about that Vitamin C 90's hit, although I am a shameless fan of Semisonic's one hit wonder, Closing Time. When I left college I got all weepy to the ballad "For Good" from Wicked, but this time around the mental soundtrack has been a little more random. Here are some songs helping me make the transition to the "real world."

"Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder.
Don't you know the hardest part is over?...
Our lives are made in these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate."

I think I cried for some reason every day last week, and one of those times was when this song came on Pandora when I was sorting photos for a professor's graduation slideshow. Let me tell you, with each note and click of the mouse, I was  this much closer to bawling. It's the everyday conversations, book recommendations, car trips, and goofy smiles that built my relationships in grad school. Knowing my classmates by their mannerisms and the color of their tote bags is one thing I'll miss the most. Luckily, we've taken hundreds of photos that each capture a moment of the 24 months that have changed our lives forever.

The lyrics are reassuring too, especially when you have no idea where your life is headed next. Good old Divine Providence got me into this M.A. program, so I shouldn't think God is gonna quit on me now.

"The Last Time" - Blind Boys of Alabama

This may be the last time, I don't know.

As I leave my museum alma mater, there are so many uncertainties - is this the last time I will see some of these people? Is this the last time I'll pas a professor in the hallway? Will I ever roam around the halls of the collections again? I intend to delay my last drive around the grounds as long as possible.

"You Got the Love" - Florence and the Machine  

(previously recorded by Candi Staton, The Source, and Joss Stone)

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air

I know I can count on you

Sometimes I feel like saying Lord, I just don't care

But you've got the love I need to see me through

If anything can make you want to throw up your hands and yell, "Jesus take the wheel," it's grad school.

 The entire process can seem designed to make you doubt yourself and question your purpose in life. My degree is as much a testament to my support system as it is to my book learnin'. From my professors who always kept their doors open, to the classmates happy to vent in the library at 11pm, to the family and friends who have humored two years of geeking out over furniture, to The Beau who has stayed up past his bedtime helping me edit presentations, there's been an army of people I could count on. Sometimes it's been hard to keep caring, but in the end, I'm humbled and grateful to be surrounded by such love.

7 Beginnings and Ends

Happy Friday!  Since my graduation is only a week away, this installment is going to be about some of the many "lasts" and "firsts" I'm currently experiencing. Many thanks to Jen for hosting the 7 Quick Takes linkup at Conversion Diary.

1.Tonight I turned in my last graduate school paper. Ever. It felt so surreal. Then my art history professor fed us tacos and pickled cactus, and it was delicious.

2. Last night I worked on said paper by pulling what I hope is my last almost-all-nighter in a long, long time. I've been avoiding graduation emotions, but as I turned off the library lights at 1am there was this sudden bittersweet feeling that it was the end of an era. I might shed a tear when I return all my books next week. 

3. On Monday I'll go on my last grad school field trip.We'll be touring the White House and Capital Building. This will be my first time seeing the inside of each, despite having grown up near them.

4. I got a new camera! Ever since my old Olympus died last summer I've been yearning to have a "real camera" again.My little point-and-shoot has taken good close-up images, but it makes me feel like I'm at the mercy of it's little buttons instead of in control of the situation. So, I took advantage of the magical, wonderful part of grad school known as "professional development funds" to buy a Nikon d3100. 

Check out this inefficient packing. Great job Sears, I am now the proud owner of  gallons of Styrofoam peanuts.

After I got over my initial buyer's remorse, I was delighted to see how well the camera handles both close up and action shots.

 

 

My first time shooting with my new toy was also probably the last time The Beau and I will have a date strolling around the museum grounds. I should send the gardens paths a thank-you card for being such a fun, free activity in the early months of our relationship.


5. My sister started her first museum summer job this week. I'm so excited for her, and can't wait to hear how this colonial farm work turns out. I'm imaging she'll get really buff carrying pails of water and hoeing crops. 


6. This just in: The Beau completed and passed his second and last Ph.D comprehensive exam! I am so glad his tough academic year is done, and I'm so proud of him I could burst.

7. Finally, I am pleased to announce that I have...drumroll please...a NEW BLOG! Chasing Claudia Kincaid is named for the heroine of From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, one of my all-time favorite books. This blog will focus on my thoughts about museums, art, and material culture, freeing up this space to write more about my faith and whatever other random things I feel like. "Claudia" is also my first attempt at using the Wordpress platform, so it will be an interesting learning experience. She'd love it if you paid her a visit!

The Morning Star

This week the Bright Maidens are considering the topic "Mary Our Guide." I've only got time for a quick post this week, but here's what that phrase immediately think of: Mary's title as the Morning Star

In astronomy, the morning star refers to Venus, a planet named for the goddess of love, fertility, and femininity. Venus travels close to the sun inside the earth's orbit, and so sometimes the planet is traveling ahead of the sun in earth's range of visibility. When that happens, the "morning star" appears very bright to us on earth just before the sunrise.

Christians adapted this mythological astronomy to describe Mary, the mother of God. It really makes perfect sense: the woman whose femininity and fertility are forever connected to God travels close to her Son; her bright sinless life heralding His arrival.

There's even a great line in the Mass propers for Mary's birthday on September 8.
"Your birth, O Virgin Mary, gives joy to the whole world, for from you arose the glorious Sun of Justice, Christ our Lord."

Mary always points to Christ, showing us the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

And like any friend's mom eager to tell stories about your friend's childhood, she also can help us understand her Son's life. Especially through the mysteries of the rosary, she can help us ponder things in our hearts just like she did. Pope John Paul II's letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae really helped me understand this. The rosary is not about tediously pronouncing 50+ prayers, it's about contemplating the face of Christ. "This is the task of every follower of Christ and therefore the task of each one of us."
May Mary the Morning Star help us to do that every day.

Shrine to Mary at St. Francis Xavier College Church, St. Louis University

"I want to shine on, in the hearts of men." - The Killers, All These Things That I've Done

(I meant to post this last week, but Osama bin Laden and two academic presentations conspired to distract me.) 

Watching a replay of last weekend's beatification brought back so many memories of how Pope John Paul II influenced my growing up. Even as a small child, I knew he was important and holy. I read was determined to see such an historically significant man in person. (Yep, I was a nerd even then.) So nine years ago I set out with my BFF Stella on a Youth Apostles-led trip to World Youth Day in Toronto.

Looking back, my Dad recently commented "I can't believe we let you go off to a foreign country like that when you were 17." At the time, I couldn't believe it either. It was the longest and furthest I had ever been away from home. It was my first time using a passport, hiking for miles, camping outside, and conversing with nuns or people who didn't know English as a first language. That trip was life-changing on so many levels, particularly the way God decided it was time for me to address the depression and scrupulosity that had plagued my adolescence. On the way to see JPII, I finally confessed my problems to some people I trusted and got some wise, loving advice in return.

Of course I got to achieve my goal of seeing JPII "live and in person." I was perched on some college guy's shoulders watching the Popemobile drive past, taking pictures with the four cameras people had handed to me. After the Holy Father was gone and the crowd started to move towards his speech, the excitement of what happened hit me like a ton of bricks. The other girls and I just started bawling, joyful tears from deep in my gut like I'd never cried before.

Part of my post-WYD photo collage.

So yeah, it was a fantastic adventure. But that was the thing with Pope John Paul - to him following Jesus was always a grand adventure. He appealed to our youthful desire to be part of something exciting and important. Here's part of what he said when he arrived at WYD:

Dear friends, the aged Pope, full of years but still young at heart, answers your youthful desire for happiness with words that are not his own. They are words that rang out two thousand years ago. Words that we have heard again tonight: "Blessed are they ..." The key word in Jesus’ teaching is a proclamation of joy: "Blessed are they ..."

Young people listening to me, answer the Lord with strong and generous hearts! He is counting on you. Never forget: Christ needs you to carry out his plan of salvation! Christ needs your youth and your generous enthusiasm to make his proclamation of joy resound in the new millennium. Answer his call by placing your lives at his service in your brothers and sisters! Trust Christ, because he trusts you.

So much has changed in the nine years since I heard JPII say those words. Back in 2002 the Balkans still made headlines. The wounds of 9/11 were still fresh and the Church's sex-abuse scandals were just coming into the public eye. JPII"s words at WYD addressed both. Today Americans are still facing the threat of terrorism and the tragedy of priests' sins, and Cold-War related violence is a distant memory..

As for me, I'm not 17 anymore. I've been away from my parents' home further and longer still, settling elsewhere for months at a time. I'm still searching to belong to something bigger - there has to be more to life than just building my resume and paying the bills for the next forty years of my life. The Holy Father's call for joyful dedication to the gospel rings truer today than it ever did.

Blessed Pope John Paul II, please keep praying for us.