Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

Posts are going to be a little sporadic here as I deal with the aftermath of getting my master's and gradually move back to my parents' house. I'll be packing up my apartment, visiting friends, and maybe even reading history books for fun.

It's funny how graduating will get certain songs stuck in my head, No, I'm not talking about that Vitamin C 90's hit, although I am a shameless fan of Semisonic's one hit wonder, Closing Time. When I left college I got all weepy to the ballad "For Good" from Wicked, but this time around the mental soundtrack has been a little more random. Here are some songs helping me make the transition to the "real world."

"Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder.
Don't you know the hardest part is over?...
Our lives are made in these small hours,
These little wonders,
These twists and turns of fate."

I think I cried for some reason every day last week, and one of those times was when this song came on Pandora when I was sorting photos for a professor's graduation slideshow. Let me tell you, with each note and click of the mouse, I was  this much closer to bawling. It's the everyday conversations, book recommendations, car trips, and goofy smiles that built my relationships in grad school. Knowing my classmates by their mannerisms and the color of their tote bags is one thing I'll miss the most. Luckily, we've taken hundreds of photos that each capture a moment of the 24 months that have changed our lives forever.

The lyrics are reassuring too, especially when you have no idea where your life is headed next. Good old Divine Providence got me into this M.A. program, so I shouldn't think God is gonna quit on me now.

"The Last Time" - Blind Boys of Alabama

This may be the last time, I don't know.

As I leave my museum alma mater, there are so many uncertainties - is this the last time I will see some of these people? Is this the last time I'll pas a professor in the hallway? Will I ever roam around the halls of the collections again? I intend to delay my last drive around the grounds as long as possible.

"You Got the Love" - Florence and the Machine  

(previously recorded by Candi Staton, The Source, and Joss Stone)

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air

I know I can count on you

Sometimes I feel like saying Lord, I just don't care

But you've got the love I need to see me through

If anything can make you want to throw up your hands and yell, "Jesus take the wheel," it's grad school.

 The entire process can seem designed to make you doubt yourself and question your purpose in life. My degree is as much a testament to my support system as it is to my book learnin'. From my professors who always kept their doors open, to the classmates happy to vent in the library at 11pm, to the family and friends who have humored two years of geeking out over furniture, to The Beau who has stayed up past his bedtime helping me edit presentations, there's been an army of people I could count on. Sometimes it's been hard to keep caring, but in the end, I'm humbled and grateful to be surrounded by such love.

7 Beginnings and Ends

Happy Friday!  Since my graduation is only a week away, this installment is going to be about some of the many "lasts" and "firsts" I'm currently experiencing. Many thanks to Jen for hosting the 7 Quick Takes linkup at Conversion Diary.

1.Tonight I turned in my last graduate school paper. Ever. It felt so surreal. Then my art history professor fed us tacos and pickled cactus, and it was delicious.

2. Last night I worked on said paper by pulling what I hope is my last almost-all-nighter in a long, long time. I've been avoiding graduation emotions, but as I turned off the library lights at 1am there was this sudden bittersweet feeling that it was the end of an era. I might shed a tear when I return all my books next week. 

3. On Monday I'll go on my last grad school field trip.We'll be touring the White House and Capital Building. This will be my first time seeing the inside of each, despite having grown up near them.

4. I got a new camera! Ever since my old Olympus died last summer I've been yearning to have a "real camera" again.My little point-and-shoot has taken good close-up images, but it makes me feel like I'm at the mercy of it's little buttons instead of in control of the situation. So, I took advantage of the magical, wonderful part of grad school known as "professional development funds" to buy a Nikon d3100. 

Check out this inefficient packing. Great job Sears, I am now the proud owner of  gallons of Styrofoam peanuts.

After I got over my initial buyer's remorse, I was delighted to see how well the camera handles both close up and action shots.

 

 

My first time shooting with my new toy was also probably the last time The Beau and I will have a date strolling around the museum grounds. I should send the gardens paths a thank-you card for being such a fun, free activity in the early months of our relationship.


5. My sister started her first museum summer job this week. I'm so excited for her, and can't wait to hear how this colonial farm work turns out. I'm imaging she'll get really buff carrying pails of water and hoeing crops. 


6. This just in: The Beau completed and passed his second and last Ph.D comprehensive exam! I am so glad his tough academic year is done, and I'm so proud of him I could burst.

7. Finally, I am pleased to announce that I have...drumroll please...a NEW BLOG! Chasing Claudia Kincaid is named for the heroine of From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, one of my all-time favorite books. This blog will focus on my thoughts about museums, art, and material culture, freeing up this space to write more about my faith and whatever other random things I feel like. "Claudia" is also my first attempt at using the Wordpress platform, so it will be an interesting learning experience. She'd love it if you paid her a visit!

The Finale

This weekend I went to my college's ballroom club Homecoming social. Getting back on the floor, I was reminded of what I loved about it. At one point, I danced with a guy a few years my junior who is an excellent lead. I'm not even sure what we were dancing to Michael Buble - Silver Smooth Foxtrot? - but it worked. His effortlessly light but firm directions kept me in line and from stepping on his toes. Drawing on my own dormant skills, I could spin, rise, and fall elegantly. I know we looked good, and it felt like flying.

And then the dance was over, and I remembered everything I disliked about that club.

I am grateful for what it gave me as a freshman - comfort with my own body; awareness of muscles and movement I didn't know I had; confident self-expression; and even *gasp* physical contact with boys; albeit highly structured. Sadly, it failed to give me the close friendships I saw among other members. The dance world can be full of cattiness, judgment, vain preening, and obnoxious cutesiness.

There were three true friends there this weekend who were genuinely interested in hearing about my post-grad life. Otherwise, I looked around the room and realized I am only interested in what these people can give me physically - a fun dance experience. We have no deep personal connections, or really even superficial ones for that matter. And that's no basis for a healthy relationship. This Sunday, I told them goodbye for the last time. I don't think anyone even noticed I was gone.