Can Motherhood and Graduate Degrees Mix?

I'm late to the party for this week's Bright Maidens topic, but I've really been enjoying everyone's contributions. The dilemma of stay-at-home mom vs. working mom is one that I wrestle with. I'm still asking God to show me the proper balance between my scholarly goals and my desire for motherhood.

Source

I'm blessed to have a mother who left her physical therapy career to raise her children full-time. My mom hasn't been formally employed for 27 years, but I've always known that she works as hard as any CEO. Creating a loving home and family is her mission in life, and I admire her dedication to it. As the oldest of 5 kids, I was her assistant from an early age. I'm proud of the skills I've learned at home. I can cook for a crowd, grocery shop strategically, hem pants, plant flowers, paint a living room, and jump-start a car.

On the other hand, I can identify with some women's professional angst . Grad school messes with your head in many ways, and that includes how you think about parenthood. After spending years of blood, sweat, and tears on an advanced degree, all you can think about is getting a job that will let you use it. When you make the "terrible life choice" of grad school, you make a commitment to a field you are passionate about. I didn't set out to follow a different path than my mom, it just happened that way.

When I graduated from college with no marriage prospects, I figured I might as well pay the bills doing something I loved. Thanks to Divine Providence, I started a competitive master's program ... and met my future husband two weeks into the school year. The Betrothed's love for history and Catholic family life both made me fall in love with him. I had happy daydreams of us being one of those faculty couples beloved around campus for their dinner parties, cute kids, campus ministry involvement, and banter-filled joint lectures. Here was someone who understood all the things that I valued, both sacred and secular.

It's sad to see how children can be a professional afterthought for academics. Some people in our fields would say to delay kids until tenure or several job promotions. (Waiting for pregnancy until your late 30s always works out well, right?)


That kind of attitude looks at just half the picture. Scholarly publications can feel like birthing a child, but they don't really go on to have developing lives of their own. They sit on shelves collecting dust until someone makes future grad students read them. Academia doesn't love me back, or need me to teach it what life is about. Sitting alone in an archive is cold and lonely. No one coos about how adorable your Chapter 6 footnotes are. (If they do, they need help.)


When I see examples of women writing dissertations while pregnant, I feel like there is hope in the world. It may not be possible to have it "all," but I would love to try to have at least some. I deeply desire to have a family with my historian fiance, but I have also been fighting long and hard to break into the museum field. Both parts of my life are valuable to me.

Making family a priority might be a counter-cultural choice that will keep me from becoming a super-famous and powerful curator, but I'm ok with that.When I freak out the logistics of my future motherhood, The Betrothed is always level-headed. He reassures me that his professor schedule won't be a typical 9 to 5 gig. Sometimes he'll gently chide me, saying "Hey, you're forgetting that there's another adult in the equation here!" It's so encouraging to know that raising a family is a project we'll tackle together. As Jen Fulweiler recently pointed out, fatherhood is a man's vocation, not his career.

So what kind of mom will I be? I have no idea.  Will The Betrothed and I be able to balance our work schedules so one of us is always home? Will I chase after little ones during the day and then work on a journal article after they're in bed? Will I leave my field altogether, or will I go back for a PhD once the kids are school-aged? It's too soon to tell. For now I just have to keep asking God how I'm supposed to serve him with all my abilities.

Any over-educated moms out there? I'd love to know how/if you balance scholarship and parenthood.

Florence + The Machine + Divine Mercy

Somewhere in between thesis chapters I got hooked on the ethereal power-ballads of Florence + The Machine last year. Florence Welch's lyrics get more interesting with each listen. In particular, the song "Blinding" from her first album can have several different interpretations. At first glance, it's about a girl realizing she needs to break free of a toxic relationship. But one line tipped me off that it could also reference Mary Magdalene on Easter Sunday.

 "No more dreaming of the dead, as if Death itself was undone.

No more crying like a crow, for a boy, for a body in a garden" 

Noli Me Tangere, Lambert Sustris, late 16th century

In the song, realization of truth overwhelms the subject both emotionally and physically.

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids

Shaking through my skull, through my bones, and down through my ribs.

Like a repentant sinner freed from the seven demons that plagued her, the song's subject has rejected her past ways forever.

No more dreaming like a girl, so in love with the wrong one...

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack

All the world was waking, I never could go back. 

Mary Magdalene's encounter with Jesus, both during the thunderstorm at the foot of the Cross and then at His Resurrection in a garden, gave her the strength to change her life and brought her into a new reality of redemption.

Noli Me Tangere, Martin Schongauer, 15th century

Their meeting on Easter Sunday is one of the most poignant scenes in literature. Her heartbreak, confusion, and final joyful surprise get me every time. Jesus' line of "Woman, why do you weep?" is so succinct and compassionate. He doesn't tell her she's wrong or that she should shut up and stop crying. Instead, he gently reveals the redemptive truth that things are better than they seem. Those words were a great comfort to me on one spiritually difficult day in my teens, and they still are.

This is how I imagine Divine Mercy working. We come to God contrite, sorrowful, and He saves and forgives us with great Love. In the past year I've lost sight of that somewhat. I've let discouragement over my job search wear me down, and I've listened to the lying voices that tell me I'll never be good enough, that I have accomplished pathetically little in my 27 years, that God has forsaken me and the people I love. That is not the truth, and I have been slowing waking up to the reality that God's plan is always good, even if it's not my own.

Continuing my novena addiction, I prayed the Divine Mercy novena this past week. On day 4 I got an interview with one of my favorite museums, and on day 9 another company asked to interview me.I don't deserve it, but God has been very merciful, and I feel rich in Faith, Hope and Love.

Wounded

I am forgotten like the unremembered dead; I am like a dish that is broken. 
Psalm 31 

"The 5 Wounds of Our Lord" from The Glossary of Ecclesiastical Ornament &Costume
by A.W.N. Pugin, 1844. March "Print of the Month" at the Victoria and Albert Museum. 

 My life is like a broken bowl,
 A broken bowl that cannot hold 
One drop of water for my soul 
Or cordial in the searching cold; 
Cast in the fire the perish’d thing; 
Melt and remould it, till it be 
A royal cup for Him, my King: 
O Jesus, drink of me.

"A Better Resurrection" - Christina Rosetti

Girl-Power Bible Movies

This Lent I've had less time for my traditional Jesus film festival, but I have managed to catch a few Biblical epics. Somehow they've all been about Old Testament  heroines. I realized this is completely appropriate considering how prominently women feature in the Good Friday and Easter Gospel accounts.

Giorgio Vasari,
Judith and Holofernes, c.1554.
St. Louis Art Museum.
Those are the ripped shoulders of
a woman saving her people. 

Women are everywhere in the story of Holy Week. For some reason most are named Mary, and they're always present. They have a lot of feelings - there's a lot of crying - but they also get. stuff. done. When they make big displays of foot-anointing emotion, Christ is appreciative, not dismissive.Whether wiping Jesus' pained face, anointing His body, or learning about the Resurrection while the guys cower in fear, these women serve God in powerful ways. Salvation history would not be the same without them.

The ladies of the Old Testament are the same way. It's a shame there aren't more movies about them, because their stories are laden with peril, drama, romance, and even comedic timing. That's Hollywood gold, people! I get why there are no R-rated films where Judith and Jael slaughtering enemy generals, but there's a lot of untapped cinematic potential.

At a church gathering last weekend, I was astonished how many people were unfamiliar with the story of Esther, another brave woman who rescued her people from destruction. So here are recaps of four movies that do exist about Ruth and Esther. Their books of the Bible involve women in unconventional families navigating assimilation, inter-cultural marriages, legal loopholes, family loyalty, deep devotion, and life-and-death situations.

Alexandre Cabanel,
Ruth glanant dans les champs de Booz, (1886),
Musée Garinet, Chalon-En -Champagne.

Ruth dates back to the time of the Judges - she's King David's great-grandmother! She's also the first convert in the Bible. Born in Moab, she marries into an Israelite immigrant family. After famine kills all the men in the family, Ruth sticks by her mother-in-law Naomi, proclaiming "Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God." What are two widows to do? Head back to Bethlehem, where Ruth finds love with grain farmer Boaz. Another distant relative attempts to claim Naomi and Ruth's estate, but God's providence wins out in the end.

The Story of Ruth (1960)

Creative License:

This film imitates the epic visual style of The Ten Commandments, and gets very creative with Ruth's backstory. Young Ruth is content living in the temple of Moab's Aztec-like child-sacrificing god, until she engages in some playful theological banter with Malon, a Jewish silversmith. He awakens her heart to God's law, but Moab's rulers are obviously not pleased by her new skepticism of their religion. After the authorities kill the men of Malon's family, Ruth and Naomi set out for Bethlehem. There, they find the kindness of Boaz but also a rival suitor and some neighbors who aren't crazy about the new pagan priestess next door.

Dramatic Themes: 
The Israelites in Moab have assimilated well, perhaps too well. Naomi's son Chilion boasts of how well he and his Moabite wife Orpah are accepted in society. Unfortunately, human sacrifice is accepted in that society. When Malon objects, his family literally says, "C'mon, you know the Moabites are sensitive about their human sacrifice."
The law and its demands are key. Malon gives Ruth a pendant of the 10 Commandments, but later the people of Bethlehem put her on trial for her pagan history. 

Huh? moments: 
Ruth spends her vestal virgin childhood in what is basically a glam convent. Seriously. She and the other girls wear matching outfits borrowed from Katy Perry. Women in long black veils oversee them and teach them to memorize prayers. Is this some anti-Catholic bias? Also, their god looks like a character from the Far Side.
Boaz is sadly less handsome than the ill-fated Malon. His tunics with thigh-high slits don't help matters.

The King of Moab inspects the glam convent. 

Overall rating: 
3.5 out of 5. 1950s silliness aside, the movie has a good pace and draws you in. If you overlook the creative additions, it's not a bad retelling of Ruth's story. I found it genuinely inspiring. 

The Book of Ruth: Journey of Faith (2009)

Creative license:

Grandpa Obed narrates the story of Ruth and Naomi to a teenage David who just can't get his slingshot aim right. Naomi and her family continue to trust God, even though things look bleak and their Moabite neighbors say the gods are cursing them. (Orpah's mom is particularly obnoxious.) Both of Naomi's sons die onscreen, then Ruth and Orpah argue about whether to stay with their mother-in-law.

Dramatic Themes:
This is a matriarchal society, no doubt. Most lines are spoken by female characters, and their relationships are at the forefront. Naomi is the real protagonist of this adaptation, dispensing motherly life advice constantly. The action moves at a glacial pace, mostly because all the women take forever to finish talking about their feelings.

Huh? moments:
Costumes and sets are pretty amateur- a table is clearly a sheet of plywood, "grain" is a straw bale from a farmer's market, wooden spoons came in a 4-pack at Wal-Mart, women are all wearing mascara and mauve lipstick under their makeshift veils.
When Ruth goes off to woo Boaz at the harvest festival, Naomi gives her a "beautiful new dress" that looks like a hideous striped vest.
Pentecostal music artist Carman makes a "celebrity" cameo as Boaz. His 1980s "Sunday's On the Way" album is a cult favorite in my family, but here he looks like a skeezy lounge singer wearing Mardi Gras beads.

Overall rating:
1 out of 5. The sincerity and earnestness of this production cannot, unfortunately, hide its poor production values and bad acting. If I saw this production in a church hall, I'd be impressed; as a feature film it's unwatchable. I had to skip ahead in 20 minute increments so Naomi would get to the point. Maybe a Sunday school class could overlook the glaringly modern language and lip gloss, but they would still get bored. 

Edwin Long,
Esther, 1878,
Private Collection.

The book of Esther essentially tells two stories about Israel's Babylonian exile and diaspora. One involves political scheming and the other reads like a fairy tale.  ived a fairy tale-like story . The tale begins with some flat-out chauvinism: Queen Vasti refuses to appear before the King Ahasuerus' drunk friends, so his advisers have him divorce her. Jewish orphan Hadassah/Esther is among the young women chosen for the "find a new queen" beauty pageant. After a year-long makeover, she captures Ahasuerus' affections, but keeps her Jewish identity secret. 
Meanwhile, her cousin and foster father Mordecai has saved the king from an assassination attempt. Unfortunately, refusing to bow to ambitious courtier Haman has also won him a mortal enemy. For revenge, Haman orders extermination of all the Jews. Esther risks her life by going before Ahasuerus unbidden to expose Haman's plot and plea for mercy. She swoons, the king listens, Haman is defeated with some deliciously poetic justice, and the Jews are saved. The holiday Purim celebrates this every year.  

Esther: The Girl Who Became Queen (2000)

Creative license:

Yes, this is a Veggie Tales video. There are singing vegetables. Haman wears a pinstripe suit, Vashti gets thrown out for refusing to make the king a sandwich at 3 a.m, and traitors are banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling. It's delightful.

Dramatic Themes:
The goodfella narrator starts off by talking about destiny and greatness. Young Esther is confused about her sudden destiny as queen, and begs God to show her what the point of all this is.
Since this is for young kids, the script downplays the romance. Esther is chosen because she sings well in the talent portion of the queen pageant. Her only affectionate moment with the doofus king is when he calls her "Queenie-poo."
Did I mention the gangster accents? Haman's beef with Mordecai is presented as a fight between two "families." The infamous Pea-oni brothers try to kill the King by dropping a piano on him.

Huh? moments:
Again, this is a Veggie Tales video. A scene of Haman and the King playing Trivial Pursuit while eating Chinese take-out at Esther's feast is just one of the apocryphal moments. If this bothers you, there is a chance you might take life too seriously.

Overall rating: 
4 out of 5. The colorful insanity is fun and good-natured, while the plot genuinely sticks to the main events of the Biblical account. The Book of Esther will sound very familiar to kids once they can read it for themselves.

One Night With the King (2006) 

Creative license:

This is a pretty faithful retelling of the Book of Esther that ramps up the political intrigue aspect. Minor characters get much more screen time, like the head eunuch who favors Esther. Many scenes were filmed in India, so there are lots of colorful textiles.
Despite its sensual-sounding title, this film tells a very G-rated love story fraught with the mis-communication common in romantic comedies. Esther longs to visit Jerusalem, but her priorities quickly change when she meets Fabio-like King Xerxes. Then he sees her sneaking off to meet Mordecai and assumes she's cheating, while she worries that he will cast her off like Vashti. (They should have addressed that in Pre-Cana.) Is their love doomed?

Dramatic Themes:
Again, Esther's story evokes musings on destiny and greatness. Our heroine is really named Hadassah, but Morcedai gives her a Persian name to disguise her Jewishness in the palace. Later she observes that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and even Jacob, were given new names.
The Persian Jews struggle with how much to adopt their country's ways. A visitor from Jerusalem even asks if Mordecai has sold out.
The script links Esther's secret Judaism to her necklace etched with anachronistic stars of David. It's a hokey plot device that distracts from the original drama of Haman's comeuppance.

Huh? moments:
In the biblical account Esther and Mordecai have a friend among the palace eunuchs who delivers messages for them. The script writers achieve this by having Esther's sort-of boyfriend get rounded up and castrated in a palace hiring surge. It's awkward when he begs her to escape with him and she shoos him away. (It's also incredibly awkward to explain eunuchs to your 12-year-old brother during a movie.)
Much is made of Persia's Greek enemies and their dangerous "democracy." Haman warns an angry mob that both Jews and Greeks claim "All men are created equal." I could go on all day about this historic oversimplification, but I'll spare you.
There are several notable cameos, including Omar Sharif and two LOTR alumni. Peter O'Toole gets top billing but only appears for about 30 seconds as the prophet Samuel. He spars with King Saul and then hacks the defeated King Agag apart offscreen. (It's in the Bible. Really.)
There are also some crazy hats. 

Overall rating: 3.5 out of 5. Its has a lower-budget indie feel, a cartoonishly evil villain, and too much narrative padding, but this film is still pretty to look at and heartwarming to watch. All the main elements of the Esther story are there. A confirmation class would not get bored watching.

So this Holy Week, as we sing the Stabat Mater and remember the women who mourned Christ, think of the long line of brave women who prefigured them. We daughters of Eve and of Mary have a rich heritage of love, devotion, and courage. That really ought to be on movie screens more often.