How planning a wedding is sort-of like writing a master's thesis.

Via StyleMePretty.com

It's true, I met my future husband on only the second week of grad school. If I hadn't moved to Delaware, we would have never crossed paths on OK Cupid. Still, I don't like to think that the purpose of those two years in the library were just to get my Mrs. degree. When I applied to my grad program, I had never been so sure that God was calling me to a place where I could develop the gifts and talents He gave me. My M.A. helped me grow intellectually and aesthetically. Even if I haven't found a job in my field yet, the benefits of grad school go beyond the ring on my finger.

But, I have to admit, writing that vestment thesis was really good training for getting hitched. Sure I can do this wedding planning stuff; I spent an entire year on a massive project that required organization, calls to dozens of sites, and hundred of images for inspiration. As I told The Betrothed last week, it's like we have our thesis statement and rough outline, now we have to do background research.

Preliminary literature review = the pile of wedding and marriage-prep books on my mom's end table
Advisor meetings = Pre-Cana
Dozens of emails to Episcopal churches asking if they had any cool old vestments = the almighty Google docs spreadsheets of potential venues and caterers
Taking pictures of every potentially useful archives document = Pinterest, Pinterest, and more Pinterest (There are DRESS SPOILERS on that last one.)
Navigating the graduate office's page format template = figuring out if the parish music director will let us use the music we want
Footnotes that I fixed in the last month = what the table centerpieces will actually look like

Next week The Betrothed flies off to London for two months of dissertation research. I'll be here, writing him letters and hoping all these spreadsheets distract me from loneliness. Along the way I'll know we are both preparing for our life together, the greatest long-term project we could ever undertake. I'm sure God will continue to use our talents in unexpected ways.

We're getting married!

Now for the good news: what I held off announcing on Ash Wednesday is that The Beau and I are engaged! (Should I call him The Betrothed now?) He popped the question on Friday night, starting off what was definitely the best Birthday/President's Day/Mardi Gras weekend ever.

I had suspected something might be up, but Mark completely surprised me by asking the minute I arrived in New Jersey. My Bolt bus was late, we had to reschedule dinner, the Newark train station was confusing, and then I couldn't find him on the train platform when I arrived. Once the crowd cleared and we met up I was ready to lug my bags off. 

But then he said "Wait, I want to ask you something...do you like sacraments?" 

Then in a moment that was both in slow motion and over too fast, he knelt down and asked if I would like to enter into the sacrament of matrimony with him. I dropped all my bags and managed to squeak out "Are you serious?!?!" and then "Yes, of course!" I proceeded to laugh uncontrollably in disbelief for the next five minutes as we ran to catch our dinner reservation. The next day we called our families, and then hosted a dinner party where we told most of The Betrothed's friends. (This engagement party had been cleverly disguised as a birthday party for me. Sneaky!)

The train platform was really the perfect spot. Not only are trains romantic locations in old movies, but this one is next door to his church. It's the same place where I spied him in the campus ministry center, waiting for me to get back from thesis research in New York. And it's pretty symbolic of our 2.5 year long-distance relationship, punctuated by trips up and down the eastern seaboard. 

My ring is also perfect, which shows how well he knows me. The diamonds are from his grandmother's engagement ring, and he had the setting custom made based on a 1940s design he liked. I'd be a fool to reject a man who can invest such great material culture research. 

Being engaged feels both normal and surreal at the same time. In many ways our relationship is the same it has always been, and yet we can finally speak of hopes and dreams that were under wraps until now. It's so great to talk openly about things from wedding readings to our future children to what kind of drapes we would buy for our home. So the past few days have been full of "OMG we're getting married," "future husband," "future wife," and of course, many recitations of this classic Seinfeld scene. 

Ashes and Hope

It doesn't really feel like Ash Wednesday. Here in NOVA it's a balmy 60 degrees and the sun is shining. Despite the high Catholic population of my office, I'm the only one sporting a forehead smudge since everyone is planning on evening Mass. Finally, there are some exciting new developments in my personal life, which I shall elaborate on a less solemn occasion.

On the other hand, today feels awfully penitential. I'm tired, hungry, and bothered with all sorts of temptations to be anxious, bitter, discouraged, and worried. Can I call it "spiritual warfare"? Because that's what it feels like. The past 24 hours have been a battle. God has blessed me, but "the world, the flesh, and the devil" are trying to take away my joy. There's a reason "Counsel the doubtful" is a spiritual work of mercy; that nasty stuff doesn't go away easily.

Learning to really trust God through this uncertainty is one of my goals this Lent. I'm sure He and I will have some very forthright talks on my silent Ignatian retreat in two weekends. (I'm both excited and terrified. Anybody have advice about preparing for one of these things?) I'm also going to work on some spiritual reading I've been meaning to do.

Other than that, here's the formal "What am I doing for Lent" list

• No sweets or secular TV (a family tradition.) This means it's time to review a bunch more Jesus movies. 
• Attending daily Mass once a week
• Praying the Rosary every day during my commute
• Sending out at least one job application a week - if I want God to help my future, I better do something about it. 

What are you giving up this year? How do you build trust in God?

Coffee with Literary Crushes

Happy feast of St. Valentine, everyone!
I am excited about this week's nerdtastic Bright Maidens topic: literary crushes. It's too hard for me to choose just one, so here's a craft project that mentions almost all my favorites. Do check out graphic designer Sarah Fritzler's  post about how to make DIY literary quote mugs on the cheap. She quotes heroes of Pride and Prejudice, Emma, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Little Women, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables and Casablanca. 

Messers Darcy and Knightly are totally swoonworthy, but let's not forget Jane Austen's other romantic heroes, like the ever-so-steadfast Captain Wentworth: 

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. ... I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes?" Persuasion, Ch. 11

And then there's Henry Tilney, the totally underrated hero of Northanger Abbey. He's the king of witty banter. 

“Now I must give one smirk, and then we may be rational again." 

If he were around today, he'd be into blogging. (Emphasis mine.)

"Not keep a journal! How are your absent cousins to understand the tenour of your life in Bath without one? ... How are your various dresses to be remembered, and the particular state of your complexion, and curl of your hair to be described in all their diversities, without having constant recourse to a journal? ...Everybody allows that the talent of writing agreeable letters is peculiarly female. Nature may have done something, but I am sure it must be essentially assisted by the practice of keeping a journal.”

And he likes to read.

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.” 

I've mentioned before how fictional falling in love pales in comparison to the real thing, but that doesn't mind I don't find pleasure in a good novel. It doesn't have to be Jane Austen either.

John Waterhouse's 1888 painting of the Lady of Shalott.
Via  Wikimedia commons.

When I was a senior in high school, all the English poetry we were reading in class put us girls in a hyper-romantic state. When we weren't gushing over Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese ("God's plans put man's best dreams to shame"), we were fighting over who got to read "The Lady of Shalott" in class. 


Then one of the girls got us all hooked on Christian romance novels. Robin Jones Gunn's Glenbrooke series is about 8 different women who live in or pass through a small town in Oregon. One by one they confront problems in their lives, strengthen their relationships with Jesus, and find handsome husbands in the process. What's really fun about the series is how previous heroines show up in later stories. You get to see how their happily-ever-afters pan out. We all debated which love story was the best. Was it the girl running from her past rescued by the handsome firefighter in Book 1? Or the flight attendant in Book 5 who reunited with an old flame in Germany? 


My favorite was always Book 3, Echoes, where Lauren strikes up email correspondence with an anonymous fellow Christian. They bond over poetry and Irish Breakfast tea, but she chickens out when they arrange a meeting in person.Don't worry, (SPOILER) they run into each other in Hawaii later. 


 I don't know what drew me to the story; maybe it was the nerdtastic literary element. Maybe my historian brain liked the primary source documentary record of their courtship. Either way, I probably wouldn't have believed it if you told my 18-year old self that six years later I would fall into a long-distance romance that began online. Putting man's best dreams to shame  indeed. 

Things Your Denomination Says

A while back, some guy slapped on a blond wig and made a YouTube video called "Sh*t Girls Say." It wasn't long before it went viral and dozens of imitators popped up. You could waste hours watching different versions of "Stuff ___ Say" about every ethnic/social group under the sun. (Not that I've done that or anything...)

This kind of self-aware humor is loads of fun, so I was glad when the Catholic versions arrived. A friend of a friend filmed this one at (where else?) the Franciscan University of Steubenville.




I'm pretty sure I or a friend have said 90% of those things, particularly the ones about "discernment."

This one is also pretty good. "There were so many cute babies at Mass today!"
The main topics of conversation in these videos are liturgical correctness, sacramentals (religious artwork, jewelry, etc)  and relationships i.e. finding a spouse. Or making Jesus your spouse, in the case of becoming a nun. Having the alternative option of celibacy floating around does not make dating any easier.



In the spirit of ecumenical dialogue, here's one about our Protestant sisters in Christ. Here instead of Mass responses we hear about Old Testament male heroes as romantic icons. There are also Biblical catchphrases like "The Word" and "generation." But guess what? We all say "I'll pray for you."




And finally, my favorite pseudo-Christian sect. Eating jello and dating former missionaries are Mormon standards. I'm a little bummed that housewife blogs did not make it in there, but the part about movie nights just killed me. That's pretty much the scene at any Catholic Campus Ministry too. DTR (define the relationship) talks were also staples among my college friends.



One of my favorite things about this meme is that is shows us we are really all not that different. When I watch "Things Jamaican Dads say" I don't get half the jokes, but I still get "Parents, amirite?" Most people are willing to poke fun at their habits, and that includes us religious folk. There's a deeper anthropological analysis in there somewhere. Have at it, grad students of the future.

What I especially like about the videos I've posted here is how honestly they portray the ups and downs of finding a higher purpose in life. Just because finding your vocation/mission/anointed calling/whatever is important doesn't mean it's always fun. Sometimes you want to throw up your hands and "Just become a nun!" By laughing about it, women who follow Jesus can encourage each other. We might have different inside jokes and Sunday services, but deep down we all want to do the right thing and live happily ever after with our St. Joseph/Boaz/Eternal Companion. Hang in there ladies. I'll pray for you.

St. Monica Church, New York City

Whenever I'm traveling, I enjoy the chance to check out churches I've never seen before.

During my upper east side adventure visiting a friend last weekend, I went to Sunday Mass at a parish that was conveniently located literally around the corner. St. Monica's church building was begun in the 1880s and completed in 1906. It's in a pretty standard Gothic revival style, but the decorative elements are exceptionally good.

Thanks to recent renovations, the interior really sparkles. The freestanding altar is obviously a post-Vatican II addition, but it complements the original nicely.

The stained glass windows were one of my favorite parts. They seemed very L. C. Tiffany-esque, with their intricate detailing and the soft edges of the pictures. I wish I had had time to photograph all of them.

Quick Takes about the Big Apple

1. Last year my grad school class took a field trip to see the "Americana Week" antiques shows in New York. It was so much fun that this year several of my classmates and I planned a mini-reunion redux of the adventure. This time, instead of the Times Square Hampton Inn, we all crashed on the living room floor of H's tiny Upper East Side 5th floor walkup. (For the record, I did not have to subsist on salad this year. Thank goodness.)
2. Of course, it ended up being the snowiest weekend of the year, but wind and slush did not deter us from dec arts. We have been trained well. 





The view outside when we woke up on Saturday. 



3. All 5 of us wore some variation of "gray sweater dress/tights/boots" for our 4 exhibition journey. I swear this was an accident. 
4. There were tons of little kids running around in puffy coats, grabbing hunks of snow off the sidewalks. Since I am a child of the suburbs, I always wonder about kids in New York. Does an urban upbringing make you fearless? Do you remember those early years spent bundled up in a stroller behind a plastic shield? 
5. The newly-renovated New York Historical Society has a great kids' section. You can write newspaper headlines, record yourself speechifying, look at different boroughs through a viewmaster thingy, and get inaugurated as the first president. Oh, and there is a newsies touch-screen game. I owned at selling those papes. 





I also ran into the Marx Brothers



6. Here's a tip, kids: do NOT attempt to check a suitcase at The Met, even if you are just running through the Islamic galleries on your way to catch the Megabus. Their security guards are well-trained to think luggage = art thief/terrorist. They will politely, but firmly tell you to get lost. Even if they just watched you schlep said suitcase up two flights of stairs to the entrance. 
7. Speaking of suitcases, they are also totally impractical on the stair-laden subway.  After riding on public transportation in both New York and DC, I have decided that the subway is definitely superior to the Metro. (As if there were any question, amirite Washingtonians?)
   DC Metro advantages: Escalators, stations that don't feel claustrophobic, cleanliness, very little graffiti, colored lines with names and directions that quickly make sense on a map to the uninitiated. 
   NY Subway advantages: Express trains, an abundance of track options, flat rate for each ride, not needing to scan a card to exit, lack of easily broken escalators, MOSAICS. 

For more quick takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary.

Christian knock-offs?

1 En 8, from Louboutin's fall collection. 

Have you heard about the designer shoe lawsuit in court right now? Christian Louboutin wants to trademark the signature "China-red" soles of his high heels. Yves St. Laurent recently made an all-red shoe with red soles, and insists that designers should be free to use whatever colors they want.

Personally, I think the all-red YSL shoe is not a big deal, but overall I side with Louboutin since the red soles look cool. If Tiffany's can have a signature blue, why not a signature shade of red? This case has major implications for issues of intellectual property and creative licensing blah blah blah. It's also an excuse for editorials with terrible puns and footnoted legal references to Sex and the City 2.

Recently I discovered some designer knock-offs that made me say "Whhhhaaaa?" They weren't at Forever 21, they were in a religious goods catalog. That's right ladies, you can now buy designer Jesus totes for your next Bible study meeting.

Louis Vuitton becomes "Love"

Gucci becomes "God"

And, my personal favorite for preposterousness...

Juicy Couture becomes "Jesus Christ Born to Save"

There's also a spoof of Tiffany's and a Fendi/Faith pattern. All images are from Autom.com, a generally reputable Catholic wholesaler.

Are these fooling anyone? Are the sellers in on the joke? Whom are these for? Would you buy one of these? 

I just....I dunno. It might make the women in your fellowship group chuckle, but anywhere else you would just look like a poser with a cheaply made bag. 

Sure, Christian parodies of corporate logos are nothing new. "Lord's Gym" tshirts have been around since I was a kid. Today you can also get "Faithbook," "Jesus/Reese's," and "God is my [Guitar] Hero." Some college friends and I once dreamed up an ill-fated Gatorade spoof design for "The Eucharist: Is it In You?"

I feel like such things are a fun inside joke for youth group meetings or service trips, but they won't actually "engage THE CULTURE," as they say. Christians are capable of brilliant satire and beautiful design. Let's not settle for cheap imitations of frivolous consumerism. Juicy Couture has a flagship store a block down from St. Patrick's Cathedral, and I think it's clear which landmark will endure longer. 

7 Quick Takes Volume 16

--- 1 ---

Total "Ladies of Finance" workouts I have attended this week: 3. My legs are sore, but I feel accomplished. Maybe our resolution will last into February ;-)

--- 2 ---

My family has been reading and discussing Gary Smalley's book Making Love Last Forever and the personality profile quiz in it. Now I can't help analyzing whether people I meet are assertive "lions" (choleric/Type A), playful "otters" (sanguine/extrovert), conflict averse "golden retrievers" (plegmatic), or hardworking and precise "beavers" (sort of melancholic, IS in Myers-Briggs). (I am almost an even split between lion/GR/beaver, apparently.) Has anyone else read this book? Did you find it helpful?

--- 3 ---

Lately I've become a big fan of Get Religion, which does a great job of discussing media coverage of religious topics. It's refreshingly astute. There's not incessant whining or Christian infighting about politics. Instead, there's an appeal for journalistic excellence and accurate definition of terms. It's almost like Fr. Z and John Stewart collaborating. Check it out.

--- 4 ---

My hot wings project was fairly successful. Baked wings with Frank's Red Hot were of course not as crispily delicious as those fried in a restaurant. On a whim, I also tried a dry spice rub too that turned out to be a huge hit! Now I want to put that smoky/sweet/savory blend on every meat in my Mom's freezer.

I wish LSU's plays had been as good as all the food we ate. 

--- 5 ---

If you'd rather look at pictures of historic things than my dinner, I just posted a recap of last year's field trips on my museum blog.

Sofa and inlaid table in the White House Red Room

--- 6 ---

A former executive at my company just dropped by for a meeting, and everyone just lit up when they saw him. He's definitely one of the most considerate, well-grounded, kind people I have ever met - a true example of Christ's love. That's the kind of witness this introvert needs to work on.

--- 7 ---

I still prefer Blogger for its simpler menu, but I'm glad it's been introducing some of Wordpress' features. Now you can reply to comments in a thread! (Why was this not a no-brainer?) I love hearing from readers, and I'm glad this will help me respond to your comments effectively.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

And All Flesh Shall See It Together

The Nativity scene at my parish church, Christmas 2011. Note legit swaddling on baby Jesus. 

Happy Feast of the Epiphany! May the glory of the Lord be revealed in each of your lives this year.