How Not to Talk About Underemployed People

There's been a lot of backlash to the Obama campaign's "The Life of Julia." This slick little slideshow shows a woman going through life relying on government funding, even though mean ol' Mitt Romney wants to rip those benefits from her hands. Like all campaign literature, it oversimplifies things and sounds slightly condescending.

One recent response to it really burned me up, though. Sure, I agree with "The Life of Emily" as a rebuttal of government paternalism. I bet if I met the author, Emily Stimpson, in person, we'd have a lot in common. Her story of success as a professional young woman is inspiring. Making it as a free-lance writer is hard, and she's totally convinced me to open a health savings account.

But her tales of job success hit too close to home for me. It felt like the name-dropping and insensitive boasting of a smug class valedictorian. Sure, she's smart and diligent, but she also got many lucky breaks. One of those was being born 7 years before I was. Right now, there aren't enough merit scholarships and entry-level jobs to go around for even the hard-studying A-students. This sentence in particular burned: "It would never occur to her to still be on her parents’ plan, even if she could. After all, she’s 26—an adult." Well yahoo. I guess that makes me an infant.

Via Economic Policy Institute

To top it off, Emily's readers decided that I and other underemployed people who commented were whiny morons lacking American values. Their kids could pay for insurance straight out of school, what's wrong with us? "A master's degree does not entitle you to a job with benefits," scolded one person. He implied I should have gone to trade school instead. The flurry of "dislikes" felt like a spit in the face. These pharisees pointed at me, the 27-year old living with her parents, and said "I thank you, O Lord, that I am not like that."

I know, I'm talking about internet comments from strangers here. It doesn't really matter. But this was on a Catholic website. For the first time, I felt attacked personally by my own kind. I couldn't believe the ignorance and lack of compassion.


The "American Dream" is not in the Apostles' Creed, people. Our economy is in flux right now - a college degree doesn't ensure a job anymore. People are relying on their parents for longer into adulthood. The recession is not over. Who knows what career path advice kids will get in five or ten years.

If I were to write "The Life of Sarah," it would read like Emily's, but with more ups and downs. Mine is just one story, and I know there are many people worse off than I. But I am an example of how fortunes can unexpectedly change, and how hard work and good grades don't always win you success. My odyssey into adulthood also shows how sometimes, you need a helping hand.

I went to a state university for the lower tuition, taking out loans and working part-time jobs. At age 20 I contracted a chronic circulatory condition and had to take a year of leave from school. For the next 5 years, this "pre-existing condition" would prevent me from getting coverage outside of my parents' insurance plan. If I didn't have insurance, I couldn't get the medication I needed to function. So yes, I relied on my parents into adulthood.

At age 23 I spent a year with the Vincentian Service Corps in St. Louis. There I saw firsthand how government aid could help some people, like the mom of 5 who used housing assistance money to move away from her abusive meth-addict husband. I also saw the heavy costs of family decline and sexual irresponsibility. I learned how some people just wanted a handout, but all the money in the world couldn't replace the value of caring, challenging mentors. All this time I made $300 a month, so obviously I wasn't building a nest egg. It was worth it.

Source

At age 25 I was in a competitive master's program that provided a tuition fellowship and stipend. I could not have afforded grad school any other way. When my Dad lost his job, I emptied my "wedding dress slush fund" savings into COBRA fees to extend my insurance coverage. A generous gift from a relative helped me pay these fees and buy a very sensible, very used car. My cardiologist declared me mostly free of symptoms, and so I could finally purchase basic insurance through my university.

At age 26 I got my master's, but not a job like most of my classmates. I moved back in with my parents and worked odd jobs all summer. In a stroke of luck I got an entry-level temp job, replacing an accounting department's college intern. My hourly wage job allows me to pay for my insurance, as well as out-of-pocket treatments for a back injury.

Now at age 27 I know I must help pay for my wedding, but have no idea where I'll be working in a month. A lot of my peers save money by shacking up with significant others, but obviously we won't do that. I'm determined to have Depression-era pluck, looking for whatever gigs I can find. Substitute teaching? Museum volunteering? A temp agency? I'm also going for the novena mother-load, the 54-day rosary. My path is not what I envisioned at age 20, and I do not wish it for my younger siblings. But I refuse to condemn myself for circumstances in some part beyond my control.

So if you want to talk to the Kids Today about their jobs, realize that it's always more complicated than it looks. Here are a few tips.

• Don't conflate individuals with economic trends. Should we have a national conversation about how college is overpriced and maybe not worth it for everyone? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean you should point at a deep-thinking liberal arts major and tell him he should have been a mechanic instead. Don't grill him about whether it's time to "give up" on his field. 
• Read this recent piece about the surprising number of PhDs on public assistance.  Realize that not everyone on food stamps is a welfare queen - sometimes ambitious, intelligent people turn to welfare as a last resort. 
• Don't tell a recent grad "Oh, but aren't there lots of companies in your field where you live?" Yes, we know, as does everyone else with our degree. This is like telling a single woman "Oh, but there are lots of cute guys in your area. Have you tried going to bars?"
• Don't yap about how you or your kids or cousin or brother was a wild success right out of school. 
• Do refer underemployed young adults to job openings or to people who might be good professional connections. Whom you know matters, more than ever. 
• Do offer practical interview advice based on your own experience. Express sympathy when they get turned down after an interview. Assure them that they are just as capable as their peers; that a lot of this is mysterious luck.
• Do cheer them on with small successes, like part-time retail jobs. Don't lecture them about counting their blessings. They know. 
• Do tell them about sales on professional wear at the local outlet mall. 
• Do offer to pray for them. Only God knows how we'll get out of this recession mess. 

Any other job-seekers reading this? What would you add to my list? 

Seven Quick Pro-Life Takes

--- 1 ---

True confession time - Pro-Life activism is not a major part of my own Catholic life. I've been to several Marches for Life in my time, and I ardently admire my friends who have done full-time pro-life work, but it's not the issue I get most fired up about. Sidewalk counseling does not appear to be my vocation.

--- 2 ---

But, when my parish started promoting Forty Days for Life, I decided to get off my lazy behind and sign up. One Friday after work I drove to downtown Fairfax and spent and hour praying in front of a clinic. It was in a nondescript concrete medical complex - aren't they all? Except for Planned Parenthood chapters, there are never giant signs saying something like "abortions done here." That's probably half the battle of clinic prayer vigils; helping people realize that a hidden issue is happening in their own neighborhoods.

--- 3 ---

Happily, my "keeping rosaries on your ovaries" shift coincided with that of my parish's young adult group. I met some very nice people, including a couple who recently converted. We got a few friendly honks and thumbs-up, mostly from senior citizens. We also scored a sustained, angry honk with pointing; and a car full of idiot frat guys who yelled "Whoohoo! Abortion!!" I wondered about younger passengers who just gazed with furrowed brows. Did long conversations with their parents ensue?

--- 4 ---

Brother #2's high school class has been participating in the Manassas Forty Days full force. Their best heckler was a man on a motorcycle who gave them the Jersey salute ... and then promptly realized you need BOTH hands to steer a bike.

--- 5 ---

Conversations that only happen in a Catholic family:
Brother #2: "Hey Dad, is it ok if I drive myself to school tomorrow since we're doing Forty Days for Life during first period? And can I give C. (his sweetheart) a ride?"
Me: "So what you are saying is, 'Can I borrow the car to drive my girlfriend to the abortion clinic?'"
Dad: "Sure, that sounds fine."

--- 6 ---

Speaking of Catholic families, my boss' wife just had their third child/first daughter, and so my office has been in the throes of baby fever. It's great to see so many people excited about new life, and so supportive of a woman in the tough final stretch of pregnancy.

My cousin's wife recently delivered an adorable little boy, and it's becoming clear that baby obsession runs deep in my genes. My Dad's parents are beside themselves with glee over their first great-grandbaby. Already they have bragged to Walgreen's checkers and threatened to buy out the entire infant section of a department store.

--- 7 ---

One pro-life topic that does get me excited is discussion of how our society deals with fertility and how it accomodates pregnant women. Somewhat surprisingly, Slate often presents such studies, such as this
analysis of he new dystopian sci-fi thriller, In Time. The article proposes that increased longevity (and therefore a larger population) need not be a zero-sum game.  Or how about this piece on the economic fertility divide - upper class women have few offspring later in life, while poorer women have many children. When I worked at a non-profit for at-risk babies, I definitely saw many inner-city mothers who had 3 or more kids by their early twenties. Then in grad school I noted the convention of delaying children until tenure - often well into one's 30s. I was pleased to see that the article's author agreed with me that our culture needs to offer more support and resources for pregnant women, especially those who are working mothers.  Even if abortion were illegal tomorrow, the personal difficulties and social pressures that drive women to such a destructive choice would still exist. We must also fight for a world where children don't seem like a burden, and motherhood doesn't make someone a bad employee. 

One of the tiniest clients I met in St. Louis

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Mindy Kaling vindicates my love for Nora Ephron

One of my first posts on this blog was about You've Got Mail, one of my favorite movies. I know, it's not entirely intellectual or edgy. If you knew Meg Ryan's character in real life you'd probably think she was too perky, and Tom Hanks never does apologize for closing down her bookstore. But you know what? It's also funny and clever, with a comforting, friendly atmosphere.

In a recent interview with new New York Magazine, awesome writer and actor for The Office Mindy Kaling revealed that she totally agrees with me. The movie made her fall in love with New York City when she was 18. Even watching 15 minute intervals brightens her day!

Mindy has a good point that the female characters are realistically normal and *gasp* modest. Theirs is not a world populated by standard-issue hotties with too much hair styling and not enough blouse fabric. "A lot of comedies now have to be R-rated sex comedies. Do you even see anything other than Meg Ryan's wrists in You've Got Mail? She dresses like a female comedy writer - nothing is fitted, everything is four sizes too big."

Oh Mindy, how are you so brilliant? "Ninety percent of the time I'm having romantic comedy fantasies in which I'm wearing little pencil skirts hurrying to the subway. " How did you know that's what motivated me to hurry off to the museum this morning? I think we need to have a fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!

What can I say?

What can I say about Mel Gibson that hasn't already been said in the past few weeks? National media coverage has detailed how this former Catholic icon of family values fell from grace, betraying first his wife of over 20 years, and then his model baby-mama. Quotations reveal him to be racist, vulgar, abusive ... oh yeah, and misrepresentative of Church teaching on salvation.
Obviously, I could say how disgusted I am.

I could say how I once loved The Passion of the Christ, but after multiple viewings the intense gore is just sickening, not meaningful. Sure, Jim Caviezel and the Eucharistic paralells are still great. But it seems like violence is how Gibson explains the world in most of his films. For instance, over 4th of July I re-watched The Patriot. Like The Passion, it was chock full of hateful destruction calcuated to elicit shock, anger, and revenge. Seeing Gibson's character mutilate Redcoats with a tomahawk was not unlike the Roman soldiers in the infamous scourging at the pillar scene.
I could also say how this review, while ignorant and vulgar, is also fascinating. It shows how The Passion - theological context = confusion, not evangelization. The reviewer admits he "knows nothing about Christianity," but didn't leave with any better understanding of sacrifice and redemption. On the other hand, the film did teach him who Pontius Pilate was and made him ask some questions.

I could say that I want to spit on Mel Gibson's reputation and smack him in the face for disgracing his family and his faith. But then I read this post, with the phrase "Every Soul is a Battlefield." It's true, Mel Gibson is in a battle for his soul. He's fighting against his sinfulness, his inner demons, and whatever addictions or mental illnesses he may have. More violence and hatred won't cure him. Instead, I should do what the post's author recommends "be a brave heart and pray for him." That's what Jesus the Christ would have us do.