What is "Biblical Womanhood" Anyway?

The memoir of "a year doing X crazy lifestyle stunt" is a well-established book trend (gimmick?) right now,

and one I'm sure historians of the future will love trying to dissect. Personally, I think we love these stories because we're suspicious that modern life has all the keys to happiness, and it's nice to know that you can test drive other ways of living or find fulfillment by challenging yourself through some project.

Rachel Held Evans' A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself  Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband Master definitely fits this trend, and it's one of the best I've  read. It reminded me of Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project, with its reading list and monthly themes, but with the added fun of Biblical exegesis. Evens grew up in Evangelical Christianity, a church where the adjective "Biblical" serves as a stamp of approval and as a prescription for proper behavior. Through her year of exploring the women of the Bible, Evans analyzes her religious culture's expectations for women, especially how the domestic maven of Proverbs 31 often serves as an achievement checklist.

Rarely has anyone asked me if my life is "Biblical" enough, but being a Catholic woman comes with its own set of baggage. There aren't many saints who led a "regular" life - most swore off marriage and/or died grisly maiden deaths. You have to navigate modesty dress codes as well as vocation angst and the possibility that all the good men are either taken or discerning the priesthood. May crowning selection can feel like a homecoming  queen competition and then there are the debates over if and how to use things like NFP, homeschooling, and mantillas.

In her Year of Biblical Womanhood, Evans forces herself to tackle some of the feminine practices she's avoided, like learning to cook and sew. She puts coins in a swear jar of sorts every time she's "contentious" and practices silence at a monastery. Some of the more conservative habits, like head coverings and ritual impurity during menstruation, she's glad to abandon, but trying them gives her new-found respect for the more conservative women who embrace them. I loved her email friendship with an Orthodox rabbi's wife in Israel and visits with Amish women. In each new experience there are spiritual lessons and opportunities for humility and grace.

In Evans' own words, she also "subjects common assumptions regarding 'biblical womanhood' to an examination alongside the actual biblical texts and explores how hermeneutical biases are at work in our interpretation of this concept." Contextual analysis, Hebrew vocabulary, and even some goofy satire challenge buzzwords and sacred cows of Evangelical culture. For example, she turns Proverbs 31 on its head, countering that it was meant as a litany of praise for feminine genius, not a benchmark of requirements. The Bible doesn't uphold one master template of womanhood. Rather, its heroines are often outsiders, risk takers, and paradigm challengers.


There were many moments when I looked up from the page and thought, "Geez, I'm so glad I'm Catholic." The Blessed Mother's a lot to live up to, but at least we have a New Eve to balance out womankind's role in the Fall. Evans tells of preposterous sexism, like debates whether female Sunday school teachers violate Paul's order to be silent in church and wedding sermon admonitions that wives mustn't "let themselves go" lest their husbands be tempted to stray. Then there is the radical patriarchy crowd, which translates the Hebrew ezer, or helpmeet, as "personal assistant and comfort woman." Evans examines New Testament verses on marriage and realizes that Christian married sexuality is really about mutual self-giving and service. OMGJPIITOB! That's exactly it.

I'm so glad that I share my spiritual journey with courageous, outspoken women ranging from my namesake, Abraham's wife, all the way to philosopher and martyr Edith Stein.  I'm grateful for the Catholic tradition of celibacy in the religious life, which challenges the notions that women must live under a man's jurisdiction or that men are bundles of animal urges that must be properly satiated. Both scripture and the lives of the saints are packed with women who "prophesy," teach, and give witness.

Evans' book inspired me and also challenged some of my own preconceptions. Just as there is no exact Biblical woman prototype, there is no one papist female paradigm. (I like to call her "Catholic Barbie.") Fears of judgement reflect my own self-criticism, not the spiteful side-eye of ladies who love the rosary more than I. Women who wear veils to Mass or homeschool a large family aren't doing it to condemn me, just as I don't wear dresses to Mass just to spite my friend who shows up in jeans.

I was never enough of a "Little Flower" to be May Crowning material. At my First Communion, I was assigned the first reading instead - apparently my literacy trumped any appearance of delicate piety. And maybe I'm ok with that. Literacy is a gift I have to offer. I still read at Mass, and being a lector makes me feel connected to the life of our parish.

Last week I did another First Reading, this time an excerpt of the Acts Pentecost speech. When I lost myself in the words, I could feel Peter and the Psalmist moving through me. At that moment, I wasn't just my literate self; I was a vehicle for the Holy Spirit, just one of many down the line. That's what God calls all of us women to be. 

Noah Review - A Bible Epic for the 21st Century

 When I went to see Noah, the discount Tuesday night showing was pretty well attended. As the final credits started to roll, one person burst into applause. Then a woman two rows back yelled out, "Biggest lie I ever heard! Didn't even read the Bible!"

That pretty much sums up the two kinds of reactions people have had to this year's Old Testament epic "from the director of Black Swan," Darren Aronofsky. (If he has a thing for morality tales involving birds I hope he does The Ryme of the Ancient Mariner next.) The Catholic blogosphere has had the entire gamut of opinions. Since Noah is not strictly a verse-by-verse recitation of Genesis nor made purely for evangelistic purposes, some people are disappointed.

Noah's very modern feel is a red herring distracting audiences from its true spiritual merit. Yes, the wardrobe is heavy on ankle boots and skinny jeans, evoking Urban Outfitters more than the Stone Age. Russell Crowe's Noah is a vegan who stages funerals for dead animals and has visions of the ark thanks to hallucinogenic tea. Production values are slick; there are plenty of splashy CGI explosions and mythical creatures. At times I was reminded of The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, and Terrence Malick's sweeping landscapes. Unlike Son of God, Noah uses contemporary cinematography in a convincing way. Some of the images are truly stunning and worth seeing on the big screen. If Aronfsky's film feels like a blockbuster and not an indie flick, does that mean it's just a callous commercial grab?

Really, all Biblical movies are artistic reflections of their own time. Looking back to the golden age of mid-20th century Bible films, those weren't literal recitations either. Screenwriters added love triangles, pagan glam convents, and imagined conversations. As I mentioned earlier this week, Cecil B. DeMille's The 10 Commandments, arguably the greatest Bible epic ever made, certainly feels like the 1950s. Moses' vamping ex-girlfriend is a major plot device - where was she in the Bible? Anne Baxter's mad side eye may be not that different from angel/rock monster Ent knock-offs.

Even though Aronfsky pads out the slim Genesis account of Noah with his sometimes ridiculous imagination, he has still made a deeply religious movie that grapples with the big questions of human existence and its relationship to God. This isn't a 1990s self esteem pep talk about how everybody is special - it's a meditation on how we are all damaged by Original Sin. Aronfsky said as much in a recent interview: "Hearing the story of Noah [as a child], I thought about, "What if I was not one of the good ones to get on the boat? And I recognized that there’s wickedness in all of us." The God of Noah is very real and what He has to tell people matters.

Aronofsky positions Noah in a pre-history no man's land between Eden and God's chosen people of Israel. People have no image or name for God - they only know him as the very real Creator who also punishes. His will is often inscrutable, and there is no formal religion. The Fall of Adam and Eve looms large as Seth's descendants cling to a few relics and oral traditions from their ancestors' paradise. Now they are just trying to survive in a chaotic society where people's greed and appetites run out of control. The brutal, anarchic pre-flood world of Noah puts the rest of salvation history in perspective. Here, a covenant with God would be a welcome relief. If God gave, say, a list of ten ground rules for human behavior, that would be even better. God actually becoming a man to be punished for our sins? An unthinkable miracle.

The only time Noah flounders is when Aronofsky changes actual details of the Biblical account. In Genesis, all three sons Shem, Ham, and Japeth are married. The Noah movie makes procreation of the human race much more precarious, with Emma Watson's presumably barren character as the only young woman aboard the ark. Since the initial conflict of surviving the murderous hordes and the flood is over, this fertility drama takes over the third act of the film. Noah loses his marbles and becomes a scrupulous misanthrope while everyone else cowers in fear. [SPOILERS] Eventually he relents, and later gets wasted because he thinks he has failed God. Meanwhile Ham flounces off to be a celibate nomad and tween Japeth presumably joins Team Jacob and imprints on his newborn niece.

But I'm willing to forgive Russell Crowe's tedious extermination rage because it resolves in an incredibly pro-life story arc, discussing what being "made in God's image" really means. Noah and his family have just escaped a world where human life has little value. People were traded for food and dead bodies left to rot in open pits. Villain Tubal-Cain argued with God, shouting "I create life and destroy it, just like you!" Blinded by his outrage at this wickedness, Noah ignores his family's pleading and signs of God's clemency. Discernment fail. He stubbornly plows ahead doing his own will, until compassion reminds him to protect the lives in his care. In the end, family and the chance for new life win out.

Aronfsky took this angle to reinforce the Divine Mercy lesson of the Great Flood. "So what we decided to do was to align Noah with that character arc and give Noah that understanding: He understands what man has done, he wants justice, and, over the course of the film, learns mercy. What’s nice about that is that is how I think Thomas Aquinas defined righteousness: a balance of justice and mercy."

If a director quotes Thomas Aquinas as a source, that's probably a good indication that yes, he did read the Bible as well and spent a good bit of time pondering its lessons. Noah doesn't have the formal reverence of a Sunday School pageant, but it still tells a powerful story of the world longing for God's salvation. Its excellent performances take the Old Testament beyond cute animal pairs towards the old catechism question "Why did God make me?" Its themes stuck with me long after I left the theater, and have helped me appreciate the mercy God has shown His people in a new way.

The Ten Commandments Drinking Game

Source

If you're looking for some festive entertainment this Passover/Easter season, there's one Bible movie that stands as the benchmark of all others. Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments is 58 years old, but is still just as engaging and impressive as when it first toured as a road show feature. Clocking in at over three hours, it still never drags. Every shot, every set, every throwaway line by an extra is carefully arranged.

The Ten Commandments is the boss because it has gravitas to spare. Characters move like reverent statues and yet are believable and interesting. DeMille already had Bible cred because his 1927 silent film King of Kings basically invented the Jesus movie. Even so, he added an author's forward before the credits to assure audiences he was super serious about the Exodus story. It's the only movie I know of where the director parts curtains to explain both his thesis statement and his bibliography. DeMille's stated goal is "Not to create a story, but to tell a story". To prove his scholarly cred he references ancient historians Philo and Josephus, and the credits list consultations with the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the University of Chicago's Oriental Institute, and Egyptian antiques officials. The decadent set design and attention to material culture detail show that DeMille did do his homework. Moses' final wig and beard  even imitate Michelangelo's famous Moses statue.

But is The Ten Commandments really a factual account plucked from the sands of time? Not quite. Like all historical narratives, it reflects the concerns of its own era. In DeMille's case, his final movie tells us a bit about all-American post-WWII enthusiasm.His title is non-sectarian, emphasizing the moral rules that are the basis of generic Judeo-Christian values. By the 1950s Jewish Americans were no longer viewed as a suspicious foreign Other. Instead, they had been grafted into the American ideal of patriotic, God-fearing folks who defend freedom against enemies like Communism. The Cold War echoes in DeMille's prologue: "This is the story of the birth of freedom: are men the property of the state or are they to be ruled by God's law?"  Moses' final line quotes the Leviticus verse that's on the Liberty Bell: "Proclaim Liberty throughout all the land, and to all the inhabitants thereof!" Just as 1850s abolitionists invoked Moses in their work against slavery, this 1950s movie hints that Moses would  favor democracy over totalitarian governments. 

Politics aside, The Ten Commandments is a classic because it's a spectacle, full of mid-century artistic style. Cited alongside museum collections are several contemporary novels about the Bible: Dorothy Clarke Wilson's Prince of Egypt (1949), Rev. J. H. Ingraham's Pillar of Fire (1859), and On Eagle's Wings by A. E. Southan (1937). Romanticized novelizations of Bible stories were an enduring part of American pop culture from the nineteenth century, and DeMille continues that tradition with his dramatic posing, jealous triangles and star-crossed lovers. The Luxor-inspired costumes were designed by Edith Head, the queen of Old Hollywood hourglass silhouettes who outfitted practically every movie star.

I'm not complaining; the Hollywood glamour makes it a blast to watch. Thanks to the rival male leads, there is  more fierceness than the screen can handle. If you get tired of looking at awesome stuff, the dialogue is consistently epic. My current favorite is the constrat between Moses' and Ramses' management styles. Charlton Heston is inherently a mensch, negotiating enemies into friendship and worrying about slave morale. "Blood makes poor mortar." Meanwhile Yul Brynner leans in so hard he might as well be ski jumping: "Envy is for the weak." He makes it clear what he wants from his subordinates."You have a rat's ears and a ferret's nose. Add to these the eyes of a weasel." Ancient Egypt is a man's world, and these guys are basically two business suits glaring at one another across a board room.

The Ten Commandments was one of the Easter staples of my childhood, and my siblings and I realized early on that the gravitas is more fun when you're the interactive peanut gallery. We often spent those three hours counting how many times Charlton Heston denounced the slaves' "bondage." Here's an expanded version of our drinking game, for your adult beverage or grape juice and matzoa enjoyment:

Take a sip for: 

• The words "bondage," "stiff-necked," or "Goshen."
• Restatement that Nefreteri must marry the future Pharoah
• Either Prince of Egypt wearing a skirt/sandal combo that you could imagine buying from J. Crew
• Restatement of how smoking hot Liliah is
• The phrase "held me in his arms" to refer to some form of hooking up
• Dathan talking smack about Moses
• References to Ishmael or Priam of Troy
• "Ai-yah baskets!"
• "Are you a master builder, or a master butcher?"
• "So let it be written, so let it be done!"

Take a long drink when:

• Seti implies he prefers Moses to his own son
• Memnet is a total mood-killer
• Moses' hair changes
• The scene opens on a gaggle of women chattering about men
• Sephora is an smart and confident feminist. "I will not be displayed like a caravan's wares, for Moses, or any other man."
• Nefreteri tries to seduce Moses with a long speech about garlic and pomegranates
• DeMille intones another pseudo-Biblical dramatic narration
• Nefreteri becomes a heinous nag. "Do you hear laughter, Ramses?"
• Fire or snake special effects clearly start out as drawn animation. 

Anxiously chug when:

• Yochabel almost gets crushed by that stone.
• Rameses and Nefreteri have their dramatic hate-kiss.
• Moses gets exiled and has a long thirsty walk through the desert.
• Risk-loving Joshua decides to hang around outside watching the Angel of Death arrive. 
• The chariots look they're going to trample everyone at the Red Sea.
• The adorable kids and old people who left Egypt disappear, and the entire Israelite population becomes lusty twenty-somethings ready to worship the golden calf. Plus Aaron. 
• Sephora's last conversation with Moses is about how much she loves him, and he says NOTHING. Gets me every time. 

If you're still not convinced, here's a trailer.

 

What We Wore Easter Sunday

On me- dress and cardigan: Target; shoes: Nine West via Marshall's;
necklace: Etsy; husband: New Orleans via New Jersey

For more Easter outfits, visit Fine Linen and Purple!

Happy Easter! I don't know about you, but I am a happy Triduum/candy coma. It's been a long full weekend of beautiful liturgy and spending time with friends. Last night we were out until 2am attending the Easter Vigil Mass at the Southern Baron's old parish, and then going out to a diner for a milkshake-laden afterparty. This morning we groggily went for round two at our neighborhood parish, where I was a lector at the 11am Mass. Afterwards we went into the city for lunch and lots of Catholic nerd conversation at a friend's apartment.

Even though it's a little chilly here, it was so refreshing to break out the light spring clothes. It was also a fun reminder of our wedding, since my necklace and his jacket are both from that day. The blingy string of pearls is a little too fancy for most days, but I wore it on Christmas Eve too, so I might just bust it out for all future solemnities. The dress is also a relic of my wedding planning. Back then I went through a period of silly historian angst that I didn't pick a vintage-y romantic wedding dress, so I figured a sundress would get white lace out of my system. Since then it's been a great warm weather standby.

To close things out here's one of my favorites from last night's Vigil - an Easter hymn by a colonial American composer, be still my historian heart.

What I Wore Palm Sunday

Dress: Old Navy; necklace and belt: Coldwater Creek; flats: Naturalizer

We finally have some spring weather up here. Today I didn't even need a jacket! This dress is a brand new $10  find from Old Navy and the perfect weight for spring. It's so soft and comfortable I'm tempted to wear it constantly until summer. Usually sheath style dresses are tricky on my pear-shaped figure, but all the online reviews said it ran big in the hips. Score! 

This Sunday afternoon our parish YA group went on a mini pilgrimage to the Dominican Monastery of the Most Holy Rosary in Summit. Extern Sister Mary Cecilia gave us a mini tour and told us how daily monastery life works. The nuns of Summit are mildly internet famous for their soap making business, although she was quick to tell us that's just a side gig to pay the bills. Their real work is at the heart of the Church, praying for everyone else. 

Their chapel doors are hand-me-downs from the Waldorf Astoria, how cool is that?

I had a general idea of cloisters, but it was fascinating to meet this cheery extrovert in habit and hear some specifics. She mentioned how constant intercessory prayer requires lots of faith, since you don't often see the results of your prayers. Thanks to their full prayer board of intentions, the nuns aren't hiding from the world's problems in the least. We heard how the nuns joke with each other a lot, sometimes get on each other's nerves, and spoil their golden retriever. Each monastery has its own customs, like how nuns get their religious names. They consider Dominican priests their brothers, and are excited when one comes to visit on retreat. 

Sister did reference their friendly rivalry with the Franciscans, and hinted at how Domincian cloister rules tend to be more practical than dramatic. "Oh no, we don't do the big hair chop like the Poor Clares. We just wear it however is comfortable under our veils."

At one time there were several Dominican monasteries in New Jersey, but now the Summit location is the only one. The original plan was for a square cloister walk plus a 15 altar shrine (!!), but the Great Depression made them scale back the building plans. It's still a beautiful place near a cute town, and their perpetual adoration chapel is open all day. I definitely plan to return and hear the sisters sing the Divine Office sometime.

Son of God review - Jesus Movies 2014 Edition

Read my prior roundup of Jesus movies here. 

This year's new life of Christ film is derived from Roma Downey and Mark Burnett's television miniseries The Bible. I hadn't seen the series, so I was curious to check out the feature-length version. There hasn't been a full-fledged Gospel theatrical release since The Passion of the Christ a decade ago. Does Son of God further advance the genre?

Pros: The story is narrated by aging St. John in exile on Patmos. His gospel's "In the beginning was the Word..." intro leads us through an Old Testament montage before diving straight into Jesus' public ministry. This is a great contextual and theological set-up.

Cons: Sadly, the initial Incarnation focus gets lost as the narrative tries to be as generic and uncontroversial as possible. Other reviews have aptly compared it to a greatest hits montage played by a cover band. It's really an amalgamation of History Channel footage, and it shows.

Notable performances: As usual, the villains are often the most interesting. Judas is a straightforward creep who becomes Caiaphas' flunky. The high priest is in turn pushed around by Pilate, whose retribution he fears. Pilate is a stone-cold meany spilling Israelite blood in between massages and reclining dinners, but deep down he's worried about his own career too. In the Sanhedrin's negotiations with Pilate about Jesus' execution, he seems to view them with the exasperation one reserves for that particularly annoying co-worker. "Why are you bothering me about this guy when he's your problem? Oh, and now you're gonna nitpick how I wrote that sign?"

There's a token pharisee who initially gets annoyed when people ditch him for Jesus, and then somehow manages to be in the peanut gallery of every scene. His escalating outrage and jealousy are pretty fun. After each miracle I expected him to blurt out a Gob Bluth "Oh, COME ON!" Speaking of obnoxious people, Thomas is among the most vocal of the Apostles, whining with doubt about everything. At one point Peter just has to tell him to shut his trap and act in faith already.

Favorite scenes: Most of the scenes are pretty paint-by-numbers, but sometimes there are creative insights. For example, the woman caught in adultery has a small child who's upset by her mother's possible stoning. This perfectly emphasizes the human dignity Jesus is defending, and shows how the woman's  sinful life was still important to others. There are some interesting Eucharistic references, like Judas gagging on unleavened bread as he flees the Last Supper or Peter rushing to say Mass as soon as he realizes Jesus is alive and they better remember him like he asked.  Possibly my favorite parts were the innovative scenes during Christ's agony in Gethsemane. The camera cuts from his anguished prayers to the Sanhedrin reciting Psalms to Pilate and his wife burning incense to their ancestors, all praying with different motivations.

What The Frankincense: Complaining that the holes in Jesus' hands didn't look "real" enough sounds really pedantic, so I'll just mention this - Cee Lo Green does the closing credits song. Which is the theologically suspect "Mary Did You Know." Umm ok? I'll take Cee Lo's tunes however I can get them.

Jesus rating: 1 out of 5. This Jesus is not only bland, he's annoying. His perfect beachy waves of hair and knowing closed-mouth smile reminded me of another resurrected TV character - Alison, the leading Mean Girl and possibly dead frenemy on Pretty Little Liars.

I mean, look at this.  

Despite the smug grins, this Jesus is surprisingly ignorant. He gets telepathic flash-forward knowledge of future events at the last minute. For instance, only after embracing Peter at his promise of loyalty does Jesus get a precog vision of denial and roosters crowing.

Even worse, this Jesus spouts trite inspirational slogans. It's like the screenwriters had to abridge the already straightforward dialogue of the Gospels. In his first scene, Christ recruits Peter not with the clever "fisher of men" line, but by saying they will "change the world." It's the worst during the Passion scenes. Instead of prophecies and the epic Last Supper soliloquy of John's gospel, Jesus speaks in glib phrases that belong on a cat poster.  John bursts into tears at predictions of Jesus death; the Master tells him to "Trust in God." When Mary meets her Son carrying the cross, he says "All things are possible with God!"

Mary was probably thinking "What things exactly? How about you not dying, is that possible? Or is this a really bad hint at the resurrection?" The Passion of the Christ did it better. Jim Caviezel's Jesus tells Mary, "See mother, I make all things new," actually explaining the purpose of his suffering. Despite his title, Son of God  doesn't offer any real answers to life's big questions of suffering, sin, and redemption. 

Cinematic value: This brings me to my final point - this movie's greatest value was how it made me better appreciate its predecessors. Son of God's knock-off imitations show the endurance of Passion of the Christ's artistic legacy. Whether it inspired you or grossed you out, PoTC did offer some innovative visuals. Son of God's Passion sequence pulls out the same set pieces but doesn't execute them as well. There's the slow-mo dramatic music for the Sanhedrin so you know they are baaaaaad guuuuuuuuuys. There's Mary watching the scourging from afar and Jesus kissing the cross before he lifts it. There's the copious blood that makes gravel stick to Jesus' unrecognizable face. Unfortunately, instead of Jim Caviezel's poignant facial expressions we just get close-ups of the bloody drool streaming from Diogo Morgado's' lower lip.

Extreme close-ups and other distracting camera tricks are really the film's undoing. Only the most hipster bar in Williamsburg is this focused on beards. By the end  I was well-acquainted with every character's facial hair follicles as well as the state of their pores. The constant zooming may have been to compensate for lackluster sets, or to lend gravitas. When scenes finally do pan out, there are indiscriminate lens flares and amateurish GCI of Jerusalem. Again, there is another film predecessor that did this better: Jesus of Nazareth. Franco Zefferelli's Jesus flick was also a made-for-TV miniseries, but that didn't stop him from shooting sweeping landscapes, dramatically lit sets, and an impressive temple courtyard.

Bottom Line: While it would be fine to show in a classroom or as a TV Easter special, this is not a Jesus movie I would go out of my way to purchase and rewatch. There's been some critical discussion of whether it's disingenuous to charge audiences big screen prices to see a previously aired television program plus deleted scenes. Downey and Burnett have responded that it's an evangelization effort; they want to get the message of Jesus out to as many people as they can. Unfortunately, their Jesus is too much of a bland nice guy to inspire lifelong devotion. 

What I Wore Sunday, Entry 12

Top, skirt, and cardi: Anne Taylor outlet and clearance; flats: Aldo; purse: thrift store

This Sunday's picture was taken in New Orleans' Audubon Park. Our quick weekend trip was bittersweet, since we were in town for the funeral of my husband's Grandma Marie. We're all sad to see her go, but she had a long and blessed 92 year life. She passed peacefully in her sleep the night of the feast of St. Joseph, the patron saint of a happy death. Seeing so many family gather for her funeral was an amazing testament to her legacy - in fact, her thirteenth great-grandchild was born just this week! The Good Shepherd was favorite devotion, which perfectly suits what a caring woman she was. There were references to that title of Jesus all through Sunday Mass. We were even sitting near a Good Shepherd stained glass window. 

I'm grateful that I was able to know Grandma Marie's kind, joyful spirit and that her generosity helped our married life get started. Her diamonds are in my engagement ring and some of her furniture helped furnish our living room. We flew home today with one of her bayou oil paintings, an heirloom we're excited to hang in our home. 

Sunday we were all emotionally and physically drained, so the Southern Baron and I spent a relaxing day with his parents. After Mass we walked around the park enjoying the sunshine and went out to their favorite Middle Eastern restaurant. Driving around we noticed that the Southern Baron's high school was having their annual bazaar! So we hit up the craft booth for some Jesuit memorabilia and marveled at how young all the students running around in blue and white shirts looked. It was the perfect way to round out a weekend full of reminiscing and celebrating family history.

For more Sunday outfits, visit Fine Linen and Purple!

Look at those azaleas! Why do we live in the frozen north again?

Marriage and the Cross - Hype vs. Reality

In case you missed it, the latest Catholic blogosphere kerfuffle is over how we talk about marriage. It all started with Emma Smith's well-meaning post "Marriage is Hard Work," in which she sadly reflected on some divorcing co-workers who felt like marriage was all up to luck. Then she stated "with complete confidence my spouse will never cheat on me ...because I have a faith and a God who stand behind me in that statement. And I can say that because the love my fiancé and I share is not human, it is divine."

To which some married women said "Are you kidding me? That is not real life." Then other women chided the critics for being mean to youthful idealism. Who is right? I suppose everyone is, in some way. Yes, Christian marriage requires hard work and God's grace, not luck. Yes, we shouldn't become the  "Oh just wait ..." Debbie Downers who pounce on optimism. But no, sacraments don't come with guarantees of future behavior. For better or worse, we still have free will.

A few years ago I went to a college friend's wedding officiated by our wise campus chaplain, who has overseen dozens of alumni marriages and never was one for sugar coated homilies. In his sermon, he literally looked at the couple and told them "This is the hardest work you will ever do." They are no longer together. Likewise I know couples who may have started out in less-than-sacramental circumstances, but grew closer to Christ and have built solid Catholic families. That's reality for you.

Catholics can be so eager to promote the goodness of marriage to a commitment-shy culture that we become an hype machine. I like to call this "OMGJPIITOB!!!1!" syndrome. Civilization of Love! Culture of Life! Save sex for marriage and you can help save the world. Obedience to the Magisterium will result in a blissful love life. All those other people shacking up are just miserable, but you won't be!

This idealistic hyperbole can make us sound like the caste system in Brave New World. "I'm so glad I'm not a Beta. The Betas just use and objectify each other. The lecherous men run off and leave the women "fat, bitter, and depressed" cougars." This casts human relationships in extremes - either doomed total depravity or divinely assured uprightness. Reality is far more complicated than that.

When I was engaged, I approached marriage with naive optimism but also fears of unworthiness. Would God zap me with lightning at the altar because I hadn't "discerned" enough? Would I let my parish down somehow and become a statistic about The Culture? I conflated my wedding with the final exam of being a Nice Catholic Girl. "Happily ever after" would be my diploma reward for graduating with no chastity demerits. Better obsess about my NFP charting and cram more Fulton Sheen essays! In the last stressful throes of wedding planning, I blurted out "I just wish the bishop would give me a dang gold star or something!"

Well guess what? Marriage isn't a fairy tale  that rewards the good - it's an agreement to carry the cross together.  In our very first week as spouses there were disagreements and disappointments and illness. Idealism quickly collided with reality. At first, it felt like God had snuck up and dumped  bucket of cold water on my head. We followed all the rules; this wasn't part of the bargain!

Here's the reality: the sacrament of marriage isn't a guarantee nor is it a prize. Like Baptism and Confirmation, it's an undeserved invitation to grace/ When we receive it, we're embarking on a journey towards holiness. We can either be disillusioned at our own weakness or throw ourselves onto God's mercy, because only He can make us stronger, better. Even though the Southern Baron and I are soul mates in many ways, our love is still very, very human. Meshing our lives together has put a magnifying glass on our weaknesses. Who knew there were so many ways we could hurt or misunderstand each other? I can't predict what flaws and differences will bubble to the surface during future challenges.

Every day, I must choose to love my husband unconditionally, the way God loves him. I must choose to accept God's love and grace too. When my relationship with one of them suffers, so does the other. At the same time, I'm deeply humbled that my spouse offers me unconditional love too. As that same wise priest said in a different wedding homily, a husband and wife don't "deserve" each other, their unique combination of sins and virtues. They don't "deserve" God's love and grace either - but He offers it anyway, every day.

7 VA Quick Takes

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1. Last weekend The Southern Baron presented at a European Studies conference in DC, so I got to see my family AND get my academia fix. Win win!

2.The conference was at the Omni Shoreham, a 1930s brick hotel and historic night life spot that is on the National Register of Historic places. The Woodley Park neighborhood was adorable and the lobby was gorgeous - but there was not enough wi-fi or free coffee. C'mon, grad students cannot live on aesthetics alone! 

3. My favorite panel was one about Europe's new role as a mission field for Christian re-evangelization. Evangelicals from Africa and othe former European colonies are now ironically planting churches in the same nations that once worked to Christianize them. One speaker referenced a definition of this reverse evangelization trend as "meridionalism" - the romantic perception of the global South as a source of salvation for the tired West. 

Meridionalism does appear to be on the rise in Catholic consciousness, especially since the election of a Latin American pope. US dioceses short on priests now import clerics from Africa or South Asia. Are the believers of developing nations our only hope for redemption from "First World" progressive modernity? Or is the modern world enabling a more integrated global Church? 

4. Both sociologists on the panel offered evidence that this trend is far more complex than noble savages. One had done extensive field work interviewing different church groups, and found that missionaries had a complex web of international connections. In her experience, Catholic priests were more blasé about moving from place to place - foreign assignments are par for the course. 

The second presenter was researching the history of American missions in Europe. To his surprise, 1920s mission magazines weren't as concerned about converting Jews as they were about bringing the "true gospel" to the "superstitious" Catholics of Eastern Europe. 

5.  While we were in town, we got to celebrate Brother #3's Confirmation a few days early! St. John was the saint he chose, and he got to receive the Holy Spirit on the feast of his patron St. Joseph. Sweet! 

He's now 14, the same age I was when he was born. How did he grow up so fast?

6. This weekend we made a shorter trip back down so I could attend a friend's baby shower. I met Mary when we were both 14, and last summer we got married within a week of each other. How did we grow up so fast? It was so nice to catch up with her whole family and be back in the Manassas Catholic community. You know it's a Papist baby shower when the attendees include 5 infants, 3 pregnant women, and 2 parish staffers who worked First Communions that morning. 

7.  Because I started my job so suddenly, many of my NoVa acquaintances don't know the details of my NJ-NYC life. It's fun to hear reactions to museum patron antics. Lately my cross has been cranky complaints. Why do some donors act like demanding customers? "If you want to keep getting my $35 donations you better do what I want!" 

The other day someone sounded upbeat on the phone but spouted passive-aggressive insults. "Gee, I thought computers were only as smart as the people who used them!" Listen buddy, at least I'm smart enough to know that generosity and arrogance don't go together. 

So yeah, one my goals for Lent is to work on being patient instead of thinking up all the blistering comebacks I'd like to say. As the Southern Baron pointed out, this is a way to "offer him your coat as well." Respecting other people's dignity when they insult yours - that is the challenge of the Gospel. 

7 Starting Lent Quick Takes

1. As a New Orleanian, the Southern Baron firmly believes that revelry beforehand is a key part of preparing for Lent. One day we'll make it back to the Crescent City for Mardi Gras, but for now we hosted a party for church friends with lots of jambalaya.
   
2. Fat Tuesday ended up being a date night near Times Square. We celebrated junk food by eating dinner at Shake Shack and then killing time at the M&Ms store. At this three story temple to American sugar consumption you can get candies in every color decorated with personalized stamps, or buy everything from t-shirts to baking equipment. But no Jedi candy dispensers - they only carry Empire characters. 



If there's not enough candy for you,
you can go to their rival Hershey across the street. 

3. Then we saw Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart in Waiting for Godot, which turned out to be perfect for the night before Lent. The bare set was focused on an almost-dead tree, and we both loved catching all the crucifixion references. One of my favorite parts was at the beginning when the two leads debate the different Gospel narratives about the two thieves who died alongside Jesus. "One of the thieves was saved...It's a reasonable percentage."





View from the cheap seats. 

4. On Ash Wednesday we went to 7am Mass before work and got our #ashtags. This is mine after a full day of work. Every year this makes me realize how much I touch my face during the day.
   
   
   
   
5. I love how commuting into the city makes Ash Wednesday such a public holy day. The pastor of the Episcopal church in our town was giving out ashes at the train station. When I asked if I could take her picture, she said "Sure! Only if you take one with my phone too!" Then I told her about my vestment research, and she informed me her current purple chasuble was from Peru.
   
   
   
   
6. There were two other men in my office wearing ashes, and I only had three awkward "There's something on your face" conversations with strangers. My favorite was the young guy in my elevator on the way home. He gave me a concerned stare, and then shot a reproachful look to everyone else in the car.
   Kid: "Really? None of y'all gonna tell her? That she's got stuff on her face?"
   UPS Lady (rolls eyes): "C'mon, it's Ash Wednesday."
   Kid: "Oh, thank goodness. I was worried she ran into a chimney or something!"
   
7. One of my goals for Lent is to read more books and to review more Bible movies. On Tuesday our parish's young adult group is going to see Son of God. I will be sure to report back. In the meantime, here's my first post on Jesus movies if you're looking for some Lent viewing. 

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