Changing Popes

Losing a Vicar of Christ feels like a kick in the gut, a punch in the chest. It's like saying a final goodbye to a grandfather or your favorite teacher/mentor. It makes the Bark of Peter feel like a rickety canoe in a hurricane. It makes you want to call your family, and hug your friends. You can't help feeling a little abandoned. Suddenly, the symbol of your identity is gone, and you don't know how to go forward. 

The day Pope Benedict announced his retirement all I wanted to do was run into every church in New York City. "I need to be with my people!" my heart cried. On my way to the office I stopped at St. Peter's at 22 Barclay in lower Manhattan. (Greek revival 1834, oldest parish in New York.) I couldn't find the words to pray, so I just sat there with Jesus and pondered the papal tiara above the altar. Christ is the One who put it there, and He's the only man who will ever need to be the Church's savior.

St. Peter, St. Paul, and a crucifix painting that St. Elizabeth Seton prayed before

The departure of a pope is also exciting. This only happens a few times in a century. If the Easter Vigil is the Super Bowl of Catholicism, a conclave is the World Cup. Better start gearing up on your College of Cardinal stats. If you are as enterprising as my friend Steve, you can make a bracket. Nothing beats the absolute thrill of hearing "Habemus Papam!"

 It's eerie how The Betrothed and I just spent an evening sorting through his box of World Youth Day mementos. (We were both at Toronto 2012, but sadly there is no secretly prophetic photo where one of us obliviously walks past the other.) As we decided which things to keep in our future home, we talked about what it was like going to see the Pope, and how we had changed since then. Pope John Paul II was the pope of my childhood.  For us kids of the 80s and 90s, he and Mother Teresa were Catholicism. During his papacy I was baptized, received my first communion, and was confirmed (in the Year of the Holy Spirit for an added bonus). I attended Catholic school for 8 years.  I traveled to see him at World Youth Day, the longest and farthest I had ever been away from my family at that point. John Paul II told my generation that the Church loved us, that Christ needed us for His epic plan, and we leaped to the task. His love, joy, and compassion made me proud to be Catholic.

When JPII died, my own health came crashing down with him. I spent the sede vacante period going through medical tests trying to decipher the chronic illness that eventually forced me to drop out of college for a year. The day Benedict XVI was elected, I ran campus errands until a parish staffer found me collapsed from exhaustion in the campus ministry office. My life would never be the same, and that period of suffering would prove to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. Pope Benedict XVI was the pope of my transition to adulthood. During his papacy I bounced from one temporary stage to another - homebound invalid days, finishing college, a volunteer year, graduate school, long underemployment, and finally a real job. I met my future husband and prepared for marriage.

Through these changes, I often felt restless, rootless, and unsure of God's plan. Attending two public universities gave me lots of opportunities to wrestle with how the Church could relate to the questioning modern world. Luckily the Church's leader turned out to be not an attack dog, but a gentle nerd with an amazing analytical mind and stellar footnotes. His writings are always a revelation of eloquent clarity. Pope Benedict has urged my generation to reconsider our religious heritage, and we realized we were hungry for symbolic meaning, not just youth group catch phrases. If you had told my 17-year-old self that the "new springtime" of the Church would involve a revival of the Pre-Vatican II mass, I would not have believed it. The scandals and trials of recent years sometimes make it painful to be Catholic, but Benedict XVI has reminded us how true joy comes from the deep truths of the faith. As The Betrothed often says about him, "What a boss!"

Now this next pontiff will be the pope of my adult married life. Once again, I'll spend the sede vacante period adjusting to major new realities - I just moved 250 miles away from my hometown to start a job in a New York and am living out of boxes in a bare apartment. I don't know what the coming years will bring for me and the Church, but I know God will be with us.

The changing of popes is a reminder that Jesus is all that matters. No one person is the Church. She already found the man who meets all her many needs - the One who redeemed her. All the other vicars are just taking care of the place for a while until He gets back. Was Jesus like all of these men at once? Was He the perfect combination of Peter's passion, John XXIII's kindness, and Pius V's tenacity? He knows the right person for the right time, including this next conclave. 

So godspeed, dear Papa Benny. Thank you for your generous service, your great humility, your deep wisdom, and for putting the papacy on social media. I'll be reading one of your books on the subway today. Stopping in one of New York's many churches sounds like a good idea too.

Confessions of a Parish-hopper

In the past five years, I've lived in four different states. This has made me a little commitment-phobic about joining a parish. Should I volunteer for things when I'm just going to leave in a few months? What if there is something better across town? It's helpful to know all the local Mass and Confession times, after all. For better or worse, this has made me into a parish-hopper.

 When I lived in Delaware I ached for Catholic camaraderie. There weren't really any young adult groups to speak of. I went to Mass at the cute historic church up the road, and all the senior citizens gave me the side-eye.

Then I moved back to my hometown in the Diocese of Arlington, where there are more YA events going on than you can shake a stick at. For every weekly listserve I received, there was some other parish hosting a book club holy/happy hour. It was great, but overwhelming. Sometimes I felt like this:

The activities at my parish usually didn't fit my schedule, so I found myself exploring other options. There was the Holy Thursday 7 church pilgrimage from my old parish, the young professionals lectures in DC, the packed Theology on Tap that made me feel old, and the random wine and cheese that a friend invited me to. After a while I felt like Goldilocks trying on all these fellowship groups.

Maybe this one...

It wasn't until I started working on Capitol Hill that I found a place that felt just right. I could see the steeple of St. Peter's from my Metro stop. After long days dealing with tourist questions, the lovely, peaceful church was a place to relax and think. The parish activities were perfect too! Holy hour with confession took place every weeknight, and the friendly priests hosted wine-and-cheese receptions in their historic house rectory. (19th century furniture remains the way to my heart.) The bulletin featured a perfect blend of devout spirituality and social justice service opportunities.

Traveling Mass kits are always so nifty.

 I hopped onto the Monday evening Bible study and Saturday morning food pantry deliveries. By far my favorite outing was a hike in Great Falls Park. On the feast of my patron St. Elizabeth of Hungary, we checked out waterfalls, clambered over rocks, and attended Mass said on a picnic table. Best of all, the young adults group welcomed me without any awkwardness. Even though I technically lived an hour away, no one pointed at me and yelled:

Sadly, all good things must come to an end. Just when I was settling in at St. Peter's and learning about all the Latin Mass options in Alexandria, I got a job in New York. See! I knew I was too transient to get on anyone's lector schedule!

So here I am at square one again, without a church home. The Betrothed has a wonderful parish in central Jersey, also named St. Peter's, but it's just too far from my job to be our permanent place. For now I'll hang out there while I shop around. Hey look! There are two parishes within walking distance of my office in Brooklyn, not to mention the historic ones in lower Manhattan....

What I Wore Sunday - Lessons and Carols

Sweater: Kohl's

Dress: H and M

Belt and boots: Target

Necklace: Mortar and pestle pendant, a gift from my internship at a colonial apothecary shop

I'm back in New Jersey again, this time for the annual Lessons and Carols concert at The Betrothed's parish. He sings bass in the choir, and I am always impressed by how great they sound. I was very proud listening to him intone the first notes of Alma Redemptoris Mater. While he was in rehearsal, I snapped this picture in the newly renovated Catholic Student Center next door, a former convent. My campus ministry center in undergrad was a basement room called "The Catacombs," so I hope these kids know realize how good they have it.

Lessons and Carols is a lovely Advent tradition that I only discovered in the past few years. It combines hymns with scripture readings (the lessons), focusing on prophetic readings about the Messiah. I love how it gives me time to reflect on how long-awaited Jesus' coming really was. 

I also appreciate that The Betrothed's choir director picks lots of great Advent hymns that pack some theological heft. Celebrating the Incarnation should not reduce Christians to Ricky Bobby, cooing over "sweet little 8 pound 5 ounce baby Jesus in your crib with your Baby Einstein videos" and his pretty mommy.  As our priests were so good at explaining yesterday, Christ's arrival for a suffering world means so much more than that. 

For more outfits, visit Fine Linen and Purple!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 23

--- 1 ---

We're in another spurt of wedding planning right now. Our save the date cards came in, bridesmaid jewelry has been ordered, and now I'm dithering about invitation designs. History nerd that I am, I gravitate toward stuff that looks more vintage-y. But I don't want something that yells "I am a twee olde-timey hipster." This card from Vistaprint might work if you want to welcome your guests to a carnival/traveling medicine show with special prizes for target shooting. The Betrothed said one "Victorian Vintage" card looked like "The picture Jesse James was adjusting on the wall just before he got shot."

--- 2 ---

I've been our of work for a month and a half, but no unemployment benefits yet. Government paperwork, why you gotta be so hard?

--- 3 ---

On the positive side, I have another interview next week! I finally, finally have a better sense of trust that if it's the right one, God will still make it work out.

--- 4 ---

Once again, though, I have nothing to wear. I used my only suit that isn't huge on me for the last round. Once again, Divine Providence came through. I just found a great Banana Republic suit at Good will for $11. "Do not ask, what shall we eat, or what shall we wear...."

--- 5 ---

You may have seen this fascinating article in The Atlantic about the decline of Mary as a popular baby name. Does this mean that nobody looks to Jesus' mother as a role model or values virginity anymore, as some Catholic bloggers have suggested? Maybe a bit, but I think that's too easy of an answer. From what I've seen, the trend of picking original, unique baby names extends to devout Christians too. In my little Catholic bubble I've seen Maria, Regina, Mairi, Mary Elizabeth, Mary Catherine, and Mary Beth. I swear half the girls in my high school had the middle name Marie.

--- 6 ---

I got to catch up with some former classmates this week, which was fantastic. A true friend is someone who will not only not get mad when you are an hour late because of traffic, she will also have gluten-free brownies waiting for you.

--- 7 ---

God bless all those students suffering through finals! My three younger siblings are all juggling papers and presentations right now. I just got to give Brother #2 advice on a history paper over Skype. Sigh,  I could almost smell the library stacks. Pondering Leonardo da Vinci is way more fun when you aren't the one getting graded. :-)

Did you know Napoleon collected lots of Leonardo's work, including his notebooks? 

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Mary, Mary Everywhere

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadeloupe! The history nerd in me loves that this is a feast day with such strong ties to American history. Mary left behind a textile artifact that clearly references native culture, how cool it that? 

I also consider today my New York City anniversary. Three years ago The Betrothed and I went exploring at the Guggenheim and did some Christmas-y sightseeing. We went to Mass at St. Patrick's and saw some feast day processions getting underway. 

Flowers for Our Lady at St. Patricks, 2009

Last week I went to New York for an interview and had a similarly magical day. Just a few blocks over from St. Patricks is a similarly imposing Episcopal church, St. Bartholmew's. (Next to the Waldorf-Astoria, at 51st and Park Avenue) I had noticed St. Bart's the last time I met my friend Laura near her office there, and so decided to check out the inside. You can too in this virtual tour. 

Photo courtesy of Museum Planet

It was amazing. I kicked myself for forgetting my camera. The whole building was like a Gilded Age who's who - James Renwick and Stamford White designed aspects of it, the Vanderbilts were parishioners. There were Art Deco mosaics and the best angel holy water fonts I have ever seen. As an added bonus, I had walked in upon the Mt. Holyoke women's chorus rehearsing for a concert, so my poking around had a festive soundtrack. 

Photo courtesy of Museum Planet

The whole place was lovely and inspiring, but didn't feel the same as a Catholic church. God was there, but He wasn't Eucharistically There. My old vestment thesis intimidation was coming back too. Several times Anglican clerics practically patted me on the head when they learned I was a Papist girl. They basically told me "There, there, I'm sorry you follow a  Church that doesn't get the Arts like we do." 

Then I turned down a side hallway, where a rack of votive candles stood flickering. What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Madonna and Child icon with plenty of pre-dieu kneelers. Episcopalians lighting candles to Mary? Count me in!! On my way to buy a candle, I also found this: 

Photo courtesy of Museum Planet

The south chapel's gorgeous Adoration of the Magi was painted by a female artist, Ethel Parsons Paullin, in 1919. The thirteen medallions around the arch depict scenes from the Nativity. It took my breath away as I thought about how far-reaching Mary's story can be. 

I don't like to think of Mary as some docile, silent person who never raised her voice, if only we could be like her. She was humble, but she was also the woman clothed with the sun and crowned with the stars in Revelation. Her Magnificat is her declaration of her confidence in God's blessings. She is the comforting mother wrapping us in the folds of her mantle, and the warrior striking at the head of the serpent. Christians build shrines of admiration because she is one classy lady, and she walked alongside Christ with dignity and joy. 

Lady Chapel in St. Patrick's Cathedral. Stamford White was here too.
Photo courtesy of Flickriver.com

What I Learned Wednesday

Emmy Cecilia at Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer has started a new link-up, What I Learned Wednesday. Since I am also a Catholic nerd and love when someone else gives me a post topic, I couldn't say no. Here's what I have discovered this week. 

1) I am an eldest child, and I am a procrastinating perfectionist. This is normal.

Recently I checked out a bunch of books about birth order from the library. (After paying a big fine because I procrastinated about renewing the last batch, naturally.) My favorite title is the enticing, Growing Up Firstborn: The Pressure and Privilege of Being Number One. That's RIGHT Dr. Kevin Leman, we firstborns have it the WORST! 

The picture of firstborn perfectionism sounds like my life. Dwelling on past failures, gauging worth by the number of successes, blowing past accomplishment to focus on what needs to be done next. If you're always worried about doing a good enough job, then you hesitate to get started. This is exactly why I could never start school papers way in advance. I needed to mull over my topic and feel ready to write profound things. 

This has been particularly true for wedding planning. A long engagement of 16 months is doing me no favors. What if I pick out something now and hate it in 6 months? How can I make this celebration a reflection of me and my marriage if I don't even know what I like? You can't rush art. 

But at a certain point, you just have to pick something. I've gotten a little better at this over the years, especially with shopping. Which brings me to:

2) Never pay retail when you don't have to. 

I got an unexpected call this week offering me a job interview in another city. On Friday. Since I last built my professional wardrobe, I have lost 22 pounds. Hooray! Now all those pantsuits don't fit, and neither does my long winter coat. Cue what my family likes to call "Turbo Shopping." 

Burlington Coat Factory had a decent-yet-unorganized selection of wool coats, but I wasn't sure if I could do better elsewhere. I checked out the one day sale at Macy's - to find some of the exact same items from the other store, at twice the price. 

So today I went back to the first store, and picked up this fun, swingy Laundry coat. I paid $60 less than the Macy's sale price, and less than a third of the suggested retail value. Discount outlets can take more time and effort, but once again I learned that it is worth it. 

Cravat and platinum hairdo optional. 

What I Wore Sunday: Vol. 6, Christ the King

This week I am visiting my fiance up in New Jersey, so I have someone to take my picture! We always go out to brunch at a diner with several of his church friends after Mass. At this point the staff know us and just say "How many this week?" Once he and I ate there on a weekday and a waiter asked "Why are you here today?" You gotta love any dining establishment run by a Greek family. You also know you are in New Jersey when a flyer in the lobby advertises a pro-wrestling "Jingle Brawl" ... hosted at a Knights of Columbus Hall. 

Sweater: Kohl's?

"Pearls": Kohl's 

Scarf: Gift from parents

Sweater tights: T.J. Maxx

Wedges: Aerosoles outlet

Skirt: Anne Klein, thifted. (I bought this for $6 new with tags on four years ago. 

Thanks to Weight Watchers I can finally fit in it. Victory!)

I am big fan of this week's feast of Christ the King. Or as it is called now, "Lord Jesus, King of the UNIVERSE." Did everyone else hear He-Man, Masters of the Universe references at Mass today? Just me? I prefer to think of today as the feast of Jesus' awesomeness + the New Year's Eve of the liturgical year + making autumn more important. Why should December get all the attention?

The cornerstone of Christ the King Parish in St. Louis. I used to live next door. 

 For more church outfits, check out the link-up at Fine Linen and Purple!

Thank You

It's no secret that long-distance relationships are tough. Holidays are one of the worst parts. I usually forget this until the day rolls around, then the loneliness makes me remember. 

There are so many festive things my fiance and I have never done together. We've never decorated a Christmas tree, or carved pumpkins, or dyed Easter eggs. We've watched fireworks together once. Our first Valentine's Day was postponed because of a snowstorm and car trouble. We've never fasted or worn ashes in the same place. We're always apart on Christmas and Easter - we make do with Gaudete and Palm Sunday. Ringing in the New Year works out, but only after a pricey solo flight to his hometown. We still have fun even if we have to go to celebrations alone, but it's hard not to spend special days with the person you love most. Things will be so much easier when we are making our travel and celebration plans together.

Thankfully, Thanksgiving has always been ours. Three years ago, we had known each other only three months, but he drove down with me to meet my family. Today will be the fourth time he's eaten turkey off my parents' wedding china and played board games with my siblings on Black Friday. And so, I'm grateful. 

- for how my family has always welcomed the man I love into our home and our traditions

- for having my entire family all together in one place for the first time in months

- that this is our last holiday season playing schedule tetris and crossing fingers that we can see each other

- that I have time to visit my fiance next week, too

- that we can work together in the kitchen making sweet potato casserole

- that God sent a funny, handsome historian who would drive almost 500 round trip miles up and down the east coast, just to wind up at my door. And then next month drive 500 more. Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart. I love you!

What I Wore Sunday, Vol. 5

Sweater - Target, white tee - Kohl's, skirt - Anne Taylor outlet, tights - Target, shoes - Aerosoles

Back in 1991, I performed in a riveting first grade play entitled "The Gumby Shop." We kids dressed as the various nonsensical things you could buy at the shop. My line was "Some eggs, some eggs, with purple legs!" My Mom shouted that line when she saw my church outfit. Maybe I am subconsciously getting excited for advent? 

I wore this outfit to meet a friend for Mass and then get lunch at Panera. Neither of us had been to this parish before, but it was a midpoint between where we live. Mass was really lovely, especially with a violin accompanying the choir. I have to give this parish props for combining reverence with open and bright modern design. Their recent renovation is really nice. It's true, I can't help geeking out about church architecture wherever I go. 

For more Sunday outfits, check out Fine Linen and Purple! 

7 Things About Funemployment

So I don't work downtown anymore. The tourist busy season is winding down, so a bunch of us got laid off. We knew this was coming, but still, it's hard out here for a temp. Being unemployed has been an unexpected blessing in some ways. Here's what I've been grateful for these past two weeks. 

A "Staff Only" staircase

1. Having access to an amazing historic place. There are few greater museum thrills than getting to go through the "authorized personnel only" door. I feel like I leave a little piece of my heart behind in every historic place that is "mine" for a short time. Whenever I return to Colonial Williamsburg or Winterthur it feels a little like coming home. This latest installment is no exception. On my last two days I ran around taking pictures of all the beautiful places that would soon be off limits. 


2. The wonderful people I met at work. Most people were in their 20s and starting out, or 40+ and winding down. It was an interesting dynamic of 100 or so folks, everyone with a different interesting background.  Standing around on post all day gave us plenty of time to tell our stories. I felt like Bill Murray in the Groundhog Day diner scene - I could share some random fact about every person in the room.



"Maybe God isn't omniscient, maybe he's just been around so long he knows everything."



3. Not even realizing how lucky I was to know them. One of my favorite coworkers, a big, jovial Civil War buff who brought in barbecue on holidays, tragically died in his sleep last weekend. It's hard to believe such a dynamic and encouraging presence is gone. But the outpouring of support and memories on Facebook from the community has been amazing. Rest in peace, Tony. I'll always remember when that tourist planted a wet one on my face after you got him last-minute tickets.


4. Getting a rest. I spent three hours of every day commuting. Thank goodness for the bus and Metro systems, but leaving my house in the dark at 6:30 AM was getting old. So was battling the rush hour crowds. One day a lady in a suit told me I needed to be more aggressive getting a seat. I took her advice to heart, but I resisted the urge to whale on anyone with my lunchbag. 


5. A surprise FTD box on my doorstep election night. If I hadn't gone out for an errand I would have missed it. "Happy carpooling and fulfillment of civic duties," said the card from my fiance. 







6. Rediscovering my hobbies. I've baked two kinds of gluten free bread (fennel seeds and raisins FTW), I've watched movies on Netflix, I've checked out more library books than I can carry. Oh yeah, and blogging. 


7. The opportunity for something new. I have a spreadsheet full of job opportunities. Fire up the novenas. 

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